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Hello, I am YFAT or Lo. I have been writing on Journal Scape for eight years now, working on my ninth. How the time flies! This journal chronicles my random thoughts, high moments and sometimes low, throughout high school, college, and now beyond, into the world of "adulthood", whatever that means.
2010-09-16 7:28 PM
7 Years Today: an journalversary and an update
Today I am celebrating my 7th year on Journalscape.
This means I have officially been blogging for a little over 1/3rd of my presently lived life.
That is pretty amazing.
I am definitely growing up in the age of the internet.
Also, happy birthday to my dog Bizzy, who turns ten years old today. If I were home I'd be giving her lots of lovin' but mom and dad are doing it for me. Apparently she is getting a hamburger cake. Lucky dog.
So, what have I been doing?
Well just now it occurred to me that the desperate craving of penis surrounding me is slowly driving me nuts. I know I am saying this in a patronizing way because I have a significant other and am still flying off of the contentment of the month we were together. I know I have no right to talk. But it's still maddening. I think that some of my friends are realizing that they are in their senior year of college and 1) have not been kissed ever or 2) still have yet to have sex and not due to their own will necessarily. I mean I didn't realize how bad it was until today when my friend Brittanie told the other ladies about this guy she was flirting with in the computer lab. Suddenly there was a lot of interest, details please, transfer, how old, how'd he look, where from, etc. This was of the "Let me see if I can hook this one" interest.
That's just what happens to men here- they get staked out like the FBI outside of a meth house. Even he's single there is someone with their eye on him. If he's gay then there are massive amounts of disappoint. If no one has their eye on him then he has been deemed the Brother Status or Totally Not Worth It.
I was laughing because the one that Brittanie was flirting with was under the impression that all the women at this college are lesbians...which is definitely NOT true. We'll see how it goes for her. I happened to be sitting near when she was helping him with a math program in the computer lab, not listening but aware of the good vibrations between them. I let her know afterwards that me, the flirt oblivious woman, could tell what was happening. Brittanie was naturally very happy. Of all the women to get a man I am gunning for her the most.
So...what have I been up to?
Last Friday night I went out to Ithaca with two friends and had a good time. I became better friends with Felix, who transfered in this year. He's a nice guy. Has a few issues but otherwise well liked. We were laughing hysterically the whole van ride back, talking about subjects that were entirely inappropriate to discuss in front of other people but having a ball anyway. We both buckling over when we noted that our friend Schecter has an obsession with talking about poop but is utterly anal-phobic. This was the point of course when Schecter texts me like "Where are you?!" I told him we were on our way and were going to drink when we got back. Schect said he was already drunk.
I didn't believe him until I saw my white board when I got back where he had scrawled something utterly illegible and put a heart and his name. I texted "Where are you? Are you okay?!" Felix and I went and found him and made sure to escort him to a safe location. He wasn't as hammered as he said but we gave him the pleasure of our company for a short while anyway.
Felix and I went to find Brittanie and friends in the appointed room for the night. When we got there everyone was just kind of sitting around.
I looked at them like "Er...."
Things quickly became more entertaining. I was in a good mood and soon had people dancing around and being the usual silly. I love drinking with Brittanie because she likes to have fun and we become goofy together. Felix added to this and was the entertainer as he kept crawling on everyone and asking them to feed him chips, breath smelling strongly of coconut rum. I was a bit confused a minute as Felix is very gay but for a moment I thought he was swinging in the lady direction. He boasted about how the women want him and then said I did. The room froze because my friends thought I was going to punch him. I stated clearly that no, I am not interested and that he need not worry.
Eventually we all wandered back to our respective rooms, in my case being the caretaker, holding hands and making sure people got back to their respective rooms alright. Despite losing a bit of limb and volume control my mind is all there when I am drunk/tipsy and if anything part of me is MORE in control because I am watching myself so intently.
The rest of the weekend was tame. I worked on/freaked out about my thesis as I entirely reconstructed where my working hypothesis was going and was having a spaz attack about it.
Monday was a little crappy as I woke up having had an extremely stressful dream that really questioned my moral conscious. The statement echoing in my head was "When were you going to tell me 'No'?" I'll let it stand there.
Tuesday and Wednesday flew by. I have primarily been attempting to get club things together, having Erotic Ball squared away now. Thankfully I have great club officers who are very enthusiastic and very helpful. I strongly appreciate them as it has been a learning process as we plan and work out budgeting for the semester.
I did NOT go to Self-Defense and I feel perfectly fine for it and if anything better. I am sticking to walking and doing what I need to rather than be stressed out. Last week really did seal it for me.
My weekend plan is to have fun Friday and join the social drinking circle I've become part of (again, we're safe) and then do thesis work for the rest.
I am a little bit homesick. I am writing an essay for Creative Non-Fiction about being in Vermont with Matt's family and how it made me miss and be proud of my own. The same feelings arise now. The older I grow the more I value where I have come from.
And now I must get going on my thesis once more as I really have a lot of rerouting to do this weekend. I had a good chunk typed up but now it needs to be altered and fixed, reinterpreted and new quotes sought.
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