I looked at the Army's online database today where I saw that several of my friends had been promoted to major. These were people that I drank with, partied, and danced with. People I knew ten years ago as bright-eyed lieutenants screwing up every other day. People now making gib money and getting much-deserved respect in the Army.

Three of the officers on that list were in my Basic Course, 1993, Indianapolis, IN.

There's one officer I thought a moron, but an OK guy. I was in charge of his portion of a "battle analysis," 1997, Columbia, SC.

On the major's list is a woman I hd sex with several times in one weekend, December 1996, Spokane, WA.

Now, sitting here at work at the bottom rung of yet another government institution, still a struggling writer, reduced to wearing a suit and tie and $150 Kenneth Kole shoes; I can only sit back and ponder: what would have happened had I stayed in the Army?

Knowing my luck, I'd probably have had half my guts blown out in Iraq or Afghanistan. And a court martial for insubordination.

Most of you joyful readers wouldn't know me from Adama.

On I live, the same bundle of blood and guts that I've always been, typing on a computer.

WITH POISON-TIPPED DARTS AIMED AT THE HEART OF GLORY