Every semester or new term I have vowed to begin better-- be organized, wake up early, fix my hair, wear my makeup, work out, eat breakfast and have my clothes already ironed the night before. I also will not procrastinate and I will get off to a good start. I would do my devotionals every morning.
Today began the last semester I will (ideally) ever face. I violated this agreement by oversleeping, missing all of my classes, unpacking wrinkled clothes, and leaving the house for work with my hair wet and face devoid of color.

I ate (overate) at work, having skipped breakfast, I walked to work, so I sort-of exercised, and I forgot to floss.

I came closer to meeting my goals at age 5 than I do at 25. Have I regressed, or have I simply figured out who I am and accepted that I have other goals besides perfectly applied eyeliner and eating a morning meal. Have I relinquished all hopes of organization for the practical reality of my cluttered and somewhat productive experience?

Is that person the better me, or an impossible goal? In answer to this, I might add that I am highly disappointed with myself, although not at all shocked. I am not even slightly surprised at myself. I expected as much. Although I usually do make it until the second week of school to begin the lacadaisical behavior for which I am better known.

This is my twentieth year in school, and it is half over. Perhaps it is boredom and a sense that there will be something after I get out of school and that I am too grown up for this nonsense that has caused me to simply cut to the procrastinating part of the semester during which I just want a vacation.

I feel a bit deflated at my impotence toward my idealistic intentions, however, as this marks a sort of loss of faith and loss of innocence that has increased proportionately to my education and age.

But I will feel better after I have had some ice cream and styed up all night watching old sit-coms rather than studying.

. . . And I jump into the draining spiral of water knowing what is going to happen and waiting until the last two weeks of the semester to learn all there is about law . . . .