Today I slept later than I meant to sleep, still did not eat breakfast and I am wearing knit, iron-free clothing. So much for my goals. I also did not exercise. But I will go to class this afternoon, and then come back to work.

In spite of all of this, I managed to stop by the law school and check my only grade posted from last semester-- it is a B+. And I made it to work on time-- sort of . . .

You see, I had my work time wrong. I arrived at 10:00am, but I was not supposed to be there until 10:45. So I have banked 3/4 of an hour of work time.

I was not so very rushed this morning, either, but I am still managing to violate every new-semester organization and better-life plan that I had. Maybe this is a process through which I become the organized, responsible and more dependable adult whom I wish to be.

I will work out in some fashion today-- I will have walked to and from work twice. And I will be on time for class, and I will get my student loan check deposited today.

Tomorrow, I hope to begin running and return to weight training. And the verse that will be my mantra is: Isaiah 40:31 "but those who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength,
they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."


And I will drink all of the water I always mean to drink, too.

But these goals were reached: my makeup has been on since before I left the house, and my hair is fixed.

Maybe this semester will not simply go down the drain, but give a bit of fight and maybe even win.

It does seem a little late to still be trying to change my ways with no real progress-- my last semester ever. However, Atticus Finch tells Jem in _To Kill a Mockingbird_ that winning is not when everything is easy and one comes out ahead, but instead when one has no chance of winning and he gives it his all anyway, in spite of being "licked."

I may be "licked," but I refuse to believe it. I will try even this last semester to "fix" what I do not like about my life. I have never had the same difficulty with work as I do school in terms of attendance, but who knows-- maybe my attendance in all areas of my life will improve from forcing myself to improve this last semester. And the extra organization and "getting ready" in the morning can only make me feel better about myself. If the fictional character Jem Finch read to can beat her morphine addiction, then I can wake up earlier and get ready to face the day. I can have my clothes all cleaned and ironed. I can even remember to wear my jewelry, and have time in the morning to eat my breakfast. Or maybe I can just create a character who does this.

-- It is in my genetic makeup to have the wherewithall to acheive this task-- both of my parents are early risers and accomplish more before leaving for work than I usually accomplish in a whole day or more.

So with my parents and a fiction morphine-addict as my ideal, I proceed to try to become the person I wish to be.