Listening: Fallen, Evanescence
Mentally Replaying: "hey Jealousy," Gin Blossoms
Desiring: a PBJ sandwich
Enjoying: procrastinating

I'm not *very* envious, just only a little bit. And I would be able to handle it much better if he didn't keep bringing it up eventhough he knows I've said all there is to say. I've told him I'm proud of him. I've told him he deserves it. I've told him I'm glad he's getting what he deserves and that it's a good thing his work appreciates him. But he brings it up again and again in idle chatter because it's what's going on in his life and I'm trying to play the role of supportive SO.

Still, it's very hard to avoid the thought salt being poured into wounds I'm trying to get past. Work blows and personal investiture has proved to be a stupid move on my part. I'm trying to cut out emotional ties to it, but it's tough. It's not in my nature to think like a merc, but it's clear that's the only way my bills are going to get paid.

It was my mistakes that led to an unfavorable review but nothing is giong to convince me that the reason I didn't get a pay increase or a retention bonus from the merger is nothing to do with management wishing to stick it to me. So they'll just have to forgive me if I don't feel like I need to take pride in my work.

But the boy.... Maybe just one more chance. Just one more deep breath and one more look dead in the eyes and one more steady, calm statement that while I'm proud of him, I don't need more opportunities to see that I don't measure up to him.
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Allowed a lot of stuff that's come up in the last couple months to derail many routines. Thus my reading schedule, exercise plans, grocery shopping and apartment have all entered the land of Endless Disarray. I have to get back on top of that shit but it's hard without derailing other things such as the friends-hanging schedule and weekend partying.

Friends coming into town this weekend. I have a sneaking suspicion I'm setting myself up to be disappointed, but it's hard to know when it's virtually impossible to speak with them. *shrug* I'm not the only person they want to see, which is the main reason I don't know what's going on. Gah. All I want is one email. Feh.

Starting to plan a party for the boy. It's in a week and a half. Hopefully that will go well. Drama will be non-existant as will violence and number of appearances by cops.

Starting to think seriously about getting the taxes done, rounding up financial info including stock stuff. Pondering when/how to get stock stuff to a professional.

Not excited by the diet, fervently hoping I haven't gained any weight.

it goes on and on....