It's a peculiar sort of lust. It doesn't make you want someone for their body but for their companionship. It doesn't make you want to tie yourself to that person but it's an attraction nonetheless. And it distracts you in your desire for requited attraction.

It's so strange when I realize that I want someone's friendship and I can't have it. It's not working. We're not on the same wavelength. The other party doesn't even know I want to be their friend and that I feel left out when that desire isn't satisfied. It's peculiar because I have other friends, good ones, fine and honest ones whom I can depend on. I don't think I would forsake them. Though it really comes down tests and action.

Of course, in this society were mostly poly-friendly. Folks who insist on only keeping one friend are thought of as ...odd.

But my point is I keep building a friend lust after people who likely don't notice it. It works just like a sexually driven attraction with maybe slightly less chance for psychotic reactions from those involved. And it's as much of a let down when I know I can't ask someone "are we friends" because the answer will be an uncomfortable "uh...no?" And I have to face the hard fact that in some way I'm not in that person's league. The friends that person will already have don't include me because I would stick out horribly in that group. I don't rate in some way and knowing that is always disappointing.

Anyway, I'm not really writing this to get down on myself. I'm just wondering why I do this. Good friendships come from just hanging out with people and sharing with them and finding yourself constantly on the same wavelength with that person. And when you can always count on that person to "get" you...that is the definition of Friendship.