So... In this life, in this existence, as far as it goes, there is nothing more important than family. I put that qualifier because I believe that there is more to this earthly existence, however in the context of there being nothing more, then...family is the most important. That doesn't mean we need to go out and make one of our own and that doesn't mean we need to kow-tow to the one we come from. But it does mean that everything should shake out to prioritizing the family. There are no ties so particular, so tight as to be cutting, no one who is closer to us, possibly to the point of being suffocating and invasive.

It's wonderful and it's horrible and it's everything... And I say this as a single woman who is not planning on having children and is planning on moving far away from all the family she knows. It's been the A Number 1 reason I haven't moved too far until now.

That's all preamble to explain that when I told my mom earlier today that she has to grow up and compromise some, I said it with a great deal of love and compassion. Because she and my dad have been pretty jerky to my sister over the last few years and it's really taken a turn for the worse in the last several months.

Now...it's not like my sister is a saint. She reacts (and has for about all of her adult life) to anything my mom says as if it were an attack. How she has avoided hypertension, I really don't know. But she'll turn any comment into an occasion for a shouting match that frequently resolves itself with someone storming off. She doesn't want to make peace anymore and these days has taken to saying quite a few unpleasant things about our parents.

I have to say - my parents are much easier to deal with when one doesn't live with them or have to rely on them for anything. Which means I'm putting myself in a precarious position as I'm going to be storing quite a lot of my things in their house over the coming months and, if things don't work out, living on their couch for a while after.

But I'm really long past tired of the sniping. It's not like there isn't fallout for the rest of us. I do worry about what my neice is picking up, and not about the relationship my sister is in (as long as it's not abusive). But she is watching adults fight tooth and nail over who's more right. I worry about my family falling apart when blame flies around. I worry that my sister is dismissing something that is hugely important in life. I worry that my parents are drawing lines in the sand without a consideration for the need a person has to change and define herself at this point in time. Both of my parents had to get some space from their parents to figure their shit out...I don't understand why they don't see the pattern and just go with it. Why is it so tough to calmly tell someone "I don't agree with your lifestyle, but I want you here with me. How can we work this out?"

My parents can't bend their stubborn necks to ask this of my sister. And my sister learned from them so she's too stubborn to think of any resolution that isn't turning on a heel and walking away. And no one involved can say anything about anyone else that doesn't relate back to "they'll never change!" Heaven forbid one consider the possibility of changing oneself.

Anyway, the "I'm Moving" card was mildly telling my mom off. It's a bit rude to tell one's mom to grow up, but I imagine I can get away with it when I'm planning on heading off to where I may never be seen or heard from again. (Unlikely, but you never know.) My mom is the louder of my parents, but actually the one who is less stubborn when you get right down to it. There is a tiny chance that she could in fact chill out. But if my sister doesn't notice her efforts immediately then it will be in vain. My dad chill? He might get quiet, but he can still erupt at any point. To me or anyone. Depends on how cranky he is.

By importance i don't mean you "must" love them the most. Only that the family should get prioritized when it comes to attention and work. Because it takes a damn lot of work. I like to make sure to have lots of close seconds, like whiskey and dancing.