Dispatches from the City of Angels
I'm a writer and humorist living in and writing about Los Angeles. You can catch my novel LOSING CLEMENTINE out March 6 from William Morrow. In the meantime, feel free to poke around. Over at my website you can find even more blog entries than I could fit here, as well as a few other ramblings. Enjoy and come back often.
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Favorite Quotes:
"Taint what a horse looks like, it’s what a horse be." - A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett
"Trying to take it easy after you've finished a manuscript is like trying to take it easy when you have a grease fire on a kitchen stove." - Jan Burke
"Put on your big girl panties, and deal with it." - Mom
"How you do anything is how you do everything."
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I *%@&-ing Hate Sea Lions
I look like crap, but I want you to know it's the sea lion's fault.
I live right up against the docks that circle the marina, providing a convenient place for millionaires to park their sailboats and for sea lions to spread unrest and dark under-eye circles across the land.
Oh sure, they look cute with their fur and their flippers. Oh, that sweet little waddling flipper walk.
But do not be deceived by the precious little ear flaps! Evil lurks in their hearts.
"Arf! Arf! Arf!" they bark day and night. Jesus, is it loud. It's like being surrounded by a pack of dogs with laryngitis and megaphones.
1 a.m. as you try to sleep: "Arf! Arf! Arf!"
3:30 a.m. as you try to sleep: "Arf! Arf! Arf!"
10 a.m. as you shout to be heard over the din while trying to make a dentist appointment: "Arf! Arf! Arf!"
1 p.m. as you shove cotton balls in your ears, desperate for enough silence to finish your work: "Arf! Arf! Arf!"
Right this very minute: "Arf! Arf! Arf!"
Ahhhhhhh...
I live right up against the docks that circle the marina, providing a convenient place for millionaires to park their sailboats and for sea lions to spread unrest and dark under-eye circles across the land.
Oh sure, they look cute with their fur and their flippers. Oh, that sweet little waddling flipper walk.
But do not be deceived by the precious little ear flaps! Evil lurks in their hearts.
"Arf! Arf! Arf!" they bark day and night. Jesus, is it loud. It's like being surrounded by a pack of dogs with laryngitis and megaphones.
1 a.m. as you try to sleep: "Arf! Arf! Arf!"
3:30 a.m. as you try to sleep: "Arf! Arf! Arf!"
10 a.m. as you shout to be heard over the din while trying to make a dentist appointment: "Arf! Arf! Arf!"
1 p.m. as you shove cotton balls in your ears, desperate for enough silence to finish your work: "Arf! Arf! Arf!"
Right this very minute: "Arf! Arf! Arf!"
Ahhhhhhh...
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