you know what. i think i have split personality disorder... i went out in the morning with my family. and on the way back, i fell asleep in the car. (just because the weather is perfect for napping, and cars just...have that droning engine thing that sounds a lot like... a certain maths lecturer.)

and apparently, they heard me LAUGHING IN MY SLEEP.

like. why. how... really..?
the reason why i'm surprised:
1) i never dream when i sleep. not lately anyway. and i never have good dreams. they're always dark, someone's life is always in danger. (sometimes i hold the dagger)
2) i'm really... not in a happy stage in my life right now. definitely. as in, i'm not suicidal yet. but... happy enough to laugh in my sleep?... really not.

someone. something. inside me is really happy. i dunno about what.
so, i'm one person when i'm awake and some cheerful, bright, happy, laugh-for-nothing thing?
this is creepy. now, i feel like there's this person inside that is fighting to surface. maybe we all want to be happy inside.
but life has a way of getting in the way of that... not to mention, if i smiled and laughed and became happy, half my classmates would call the mental hospital or something.

so for now, i'll just be... who i think i am.