Part of the perks of being a pessimist: When disaster strikes, you were expecting it anyway.
Which softens the blow. Because you've sort of padded up your heart for it...

Application for 13 units has been rejected. Officially. I knew I didn't stand a chance from the start given my dismal cca record. I'm just pissed because... that's not a bloody reason to reject me. It's not like I'm gonna buff up my portfolio just because you said no.
No hard feelings you ask.

I have no answer. In the end... I brought myself to where I am.
Making decisions, making mistakes.
Well look, my last stand on this is:

I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it.

And I believed I said so earlier. I really wanted this.

Overload on pain and work and late nights.
Distracts me from things that really matter but are too damn painful to think about.

So. Today was a sucky day all round.

When I was 16, I typed "So now I stand, at the crossroads with no signposts".
Have I been going round in circles?... Perhaps. That would explain why I'm back in the same damn place...

Why I should keep my H3:
1) I like history. I think I like research essay-ing. I like my topic. I actually feel for it.
2) It'll look better on my a level cert.

Why I should throw away my H3:
1) cca sucks already. no chance of scholarship. ACCOUNTANCY! why the hell am I doing this again?
2) It's really a shit load of work. I'll enjoy it sure. But I'm also gonna get so damn tired.

Why I should drop Econs:
1) I definitely suck at it. like. yea. I think my tennis might be better than my econs. Econs really... catch no ball.
2) Its a mugging subject! My only mugging subject. the time factor is scary.
3) I will possibly get a new tutor.

Why I should keep Econs:
1) I like the damn subject.
2) ACCOUNTANCY.
3) It might be the same tutor.

It really all comes down to 3 questions
Can manage?
Accountancy?
Really...?

So many questions.
I need an answer.