"Only a bit of dust"

1) I'm pretty sure I'm evil. But I wonder if I'm right. I wish there was some sort of way to find out.

2) The rest of life seems to stretch out ahead of me. Hot. Uphill. Endless.

Uninviting, ambiguous and fully, fully threatening of anti-climax and quiet desperation.

3) My being evil is making it rather difficult to be a good girlfriend.

I feel a bit like I do in interviews. I know the right words and the right actions. I know what they're fishing for. But, I just can't bring myself to say/do them.

4) ... I keep waiting for regrets to fade. Or at least scab over and stop hurting so much. But it's not happening. I'm a slow healer it seems. Or the wounds are deep?
Or maybe, regrets actually just never fade.