There is a boy on the bus, on the second earliest bus which I take to school everyday. He comes on when the journey is like 90% over for me. And he sings out loud. Always the same song. I don't know it. He usually sits across the aisle from me. But I can hear him, everyone on the bus can. He's loud.

It really irritates the shit out of me. Because even though it's only 10 minutes, it's really a substantial portion of my sleeping time nowadays. I know I shouldn't feel this way or be this pissed off. His right to etc etc. But I am. And I think it indicates the level of exhaustion I've reached.

It's the end of October. But November looks crappy as hell. It's Week 11 and I've got 3 more papers to write. It's really... insane.

I think I've reached a breaking point. All I want to do is to get through it. I know I might fail badly enough so that my CAP actually drops below 4.5 and first class isn't really a reality anymore (Oh and as usual, nobody believes me). But I am so fucking tired that it's hard to feel sad/ upset. I'm just exhausted- I want this to be over. I don't care anymore. I really really don't think I can shit out another essay but I simply fucking have to no matter how wrung out I feel. I feel like the toothpaste tube, you know, when you're trying to squeeze out the absolute last bit :\ I'm really tired. I hate failing, by my standards, but I am really really too exhausted right now. I know I am choking on the last step and maybe I'll always never be able to forgive myself. But again, too fucking tired to fight it.