“Dancing with uncertainty raises your confidence.” Linda Kohanov

As many of you know I celebrated 31 years yesterday. It was the best birthday I have had in a very long time. Due in part of course to a loving, and adoring husband that gives me queen class treatment every day but queen treatment with sparkles on my birthday. In addition to that, I rode all three of my horses. Yes all three from the oldest who possesses the most real estate in my heart, to the middle that holds my spirit and fires my imagination, to the newest who is finding her place in the herd. That of course means I also rode the newest member of the herd Emma, whom both she and I have been on the fence with since her arrival. I have this “thing” when I back a horse for the first time, whether they have been ridden before, or not. In Emma’s case – she has never been ridden. This “thing” is really the horse telling me now is the time, I am ready. I call it a “thing” because if I tell everyone I am listening to the horse talk they may burn me at the stake one of these days.

Someone once said “When we ride a horse, we borrow freedom”. In my case it’s nothing short of bringing up magic from the rivers of the deep within my own soul and setting myself on fire. When riding a horse for the very first time, any horse, backed before, or not I always feel a heightened sense of awareness, a sense of being joined to the planet in a very deep and coupled way, as if my intuition of the old ages flows right under my skin, I feel like I glow. I used to worry that the horse would read that sensation as nerves, alas not a one ever has. In fact horses seem to relax with me when I’m in that state. The head drops, their mouths work, the eyes soften which are all signs of a horse that has understood present information and accepted it.

What is that state? Throughout human’s evolution we have had our emotions trained out of us. Men go to war, sacrifice, die and have been trained to cage their emotion. Women, stay home, nurture children, sacrifice for the weak, the sick and the family and we learn to listen to others, but not ourselves and our own needs. We are literally trained from the moment we enter society to not feel our instincts. There are so many of us who never lost our instincts, our intuition is still intact. To most of society people like me are “psychics”, which may in part be true but not really. I just have not lost my senses, sensation of life or my connection with the planet and the beings upon it. I like many others still listen to the planet breath and feel connected to everything that inhabits it.

I have often wondered why some of us feel this burning desire to literally set ourselves on fire with our passions. Whether it’s making to the top of a mountain on your snowmachine or sitting on a horse for the first time that was bucking its brains out moments ago; and why when we do those things we feel more alive, more healed, more part of the planet. Individuals who are willing to set themselves afire will never cease to hold my respect, admiration and curiosity. I’ve also observed that these people usually are more in touch with their instincts, whether they are aware of it or not. Most of what their great success comes from a place of knowing when to act and when to be at peace, yet they may not realize until someone points it out or they endure a life changing event that sheds light upon it.

I will never stop wondering about this trait in humans, but I do know that I will never ever stop setting myself on fire. Want to borrow a match? I have several to give!