A Bit of Randomness
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. --Diane Arbus
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Freaking Out
Yes, it's finally sinking in that I'm moving into my last trimester. And that means I'm that much closer to giving birth. We started our "Childbirth Education" classes even.
But I am not ready.
E- was wonderful this weekend and hauled all the books and shelves from our Fiction Room up into the attic. So then we have to finish cleaning out that room so we can move our stuff into it so the baby can have our room.
And I have to clean.
We have to finish the registry. We did start it but then got *completely* overwhelemed and just started to see all the pretty colors in the store. So that needs to be worked on ASAP.
And I have to clean.
There's also the matter of the baby's furniture and a chair/glider for me. The furniture needs to be ordered (we already picked out what we want so that part's done) and I need to find a new chair cause the one I wanted got recalled. So furniture shopping it is. (And if Ms. TRF can remember where she got her glider I would be most appreciative!)
Did I mention I have to clean? And buy a new vaccuum cause me and the Fuzzy Cat (and at this point, the Baby Cat) shed a lot. But then, we're having the Fuzzy Cat shaved on friday so that'll cut down on some of the fur/hair problem. And then the Cat Formerly Known as Fuzzy will be a much happier cat and hopefully less likely to convince the Baby Cat that the Baby needs to be pushed off the front porch (cause s/he's monopolizing too much time/space).
Add to all that the fact that it's also sinking in that I'm going to be a parent. And I'm scared. Really, really scared. All the "what ifs" are going round and round: "what if I don't bond with the baby?" "what if I resent the baby for the huge life change" "what if the baby hates me?" "what if I completely misunderstand the baby's needs and end up permanantly scarring him/her?"
Yes, these are all normal thoughts. I know that. And realistically, I'm sure I'll be just fine. My history, experience and vast support network virtually guarantees it. But dang it if late at night the "What If" Fairy doesn't come around and freak me out.
And it only gets better, right?
But I am not ready.
E- was wonderful this weekend and hauled all the books and shelves from our Fiction Room up into the attic. So then we have to finish cleaning out that room so we can move our stuff into it so the baby can have our room.
And I have to clean.
We have to finish the registry. We did start it but then got *completely* overwhelemed and just started to see all the pretty colors in the store. So that needs to be worked on ASAP.
And I have to clean.
There's also the matter of the baby's furniture and a chair/glider for me. The furniture needs to be ordered (we already picked out what we want so that part's done) and I need to find a new chair cause the one I wanted got recalled. So furniture shopping it is. (And if Ms. TRF can remember where she got her glider I would be most appreciative!)
Did I mention I have to clean? And buy a new vaccuum cause me and the Fuzzy Cat (and at this point, the Baby Cat) shed a lot. But then, we're having the Fuzzy Cat shaved on friday so that'll cut down on some of the fur/hair problem. And then the Cat Formerly Known as Fuzzy will be a much happier cat and hopefully less likely to convince the Baby Cat that the Baby needs to be pushed off the front porch (cause s/he's monopolizing too much time/space).
Add to all that the fact that it's also sinking in that I'm going to be a parent. And I'm scared. Really, really scared. All the "what ifs" are going round and round: "what if I don't bond with the baby?" "what if I resent the baby for the huge life change" "what if the baby hates me?" "what if I completely misunderstand the baby's needs and end up permanantly scarring him/her?"
Yes, these are all normal thoughts. I know that. And realistically, I'm sure I'll be just fine. My history, experience and vast support network virtually guarantees it. But dang it if late at night the "What If" Fairy doesn't come around and freak me out.
And it only gets better, right?
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