So I have today and tomorrow left in my maternity leave. E- has taken an early lay off so that he can stay at home wih D- while I go back to work. Today is his first day at home with us and he's already been suprised by our day.

See, usually about 5:00 or 6:00 am, while E- is getting ready and leaving for work, D- and I get up, she eats, gets changed and then is often in the mood for playing. And I hadn't realized that E- has never seen her like that. She seems to be a morning person and is most "talkative" and active first thing (although there are other burst of it throughout the day it's not quite as intense as that first bout). And as E- was getting home around 6:00 or 7:00 pm when she was winding down... well, there has been some cool stuff he hasn't seen.

And that's exactly what I'm having trouble with. She's now getting into a routine of sorts, becoming more interactive and playful, and I have to leave her everyday. While my job will not take me away from the house anywhere near as much as E-'s job did, there's still going to be stuff I'll miss. I know intellectually that I'll always be Mommy and that she really won't forget me, but somehow, that doesn't *feel* true.

Bleah.

Add to the guilt I'm feeling at leaving my daughter the fact that I really actually do like my job. And I am looking forward in many ways to going back. I know that the really hard part is going to be these next two months. After that, D- will be enrolled in a daycare that is literally right around the corner from my job. So I'll have her with me on my 40 minute commute and I can go and nurse her during the day. But this week especially is going to suck. Big time.

Thankfully, there are several new moms at my job who are in the same situation as I am and that I can commisurate with. Mayhap we can even start some sort of new mommy support group or something...