NOTICE: Postings in this journal are intended for adults as they may contain adult situations and language.

Where do I begin?

I guess I should say I have always known something just wasn’t quite right where my oldest son is concerned. He’s 8 years old and life with him has been quite a ride.

I would watch him play and see the anger build when things weren’t perfect. I’d watch his jealousy blossom when I played with my younger son. I’d see his face when he thought I was going out the front door without him. His separation anxiety was on the highest level, to the point where I had to quit my job.

Daycare or babysitters were out of the question. He wouldn’t go with his grandparents to the mall or anywhere unless I (or sometimes my husband) went along. Most times, it HAD to be me.

Sending him to public school was out of the question. I have tried for 2 years to home school him but without much success. He was constantly distracted and frustrated beyond the usual for a child his age.

When he couldn’t follow simple instructions or learn the simplest things I would watch him fly into a rage that literally took hours to come down from. He’d pull his own hair, break his toys and cry uncontrollably.

Some people said he was a strong-willed child that needed discipline. Others said I spoiled him and was to blame for his actions. And still others thought I was doing him harm by not sending him to school.

I could fill this post with hundreds of examples of similar incidents but there’s really no need to. I think you understand how frustrated and helpless we all feel. He’s 8 years old and can barely read. He has little or no attention span and his “meltdown” level is becoming more frequent.

Three weeks ago, my husband and I decided we needed professional guidance before our son reached the point of no return, before he severely hurt himself or others.

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t always this bad. He’s a funny kid who loves baseball, swimming and dinosaurs. When he smiles, the world lights up. When he giggles, it brings tears to my eyes. When I kiss him good-night and he whispers, “Mama, I love you whole big bunches,” my heart swells to a near-burst.

So, taking him to a psychiatrist began as heartache and ended with the revelation that I’m not crazy. He really does have something wrong with him. It isn’t because he’s strong-willed, too pampered or not disciplined enough.

My son has ADHD, along with much more.

He has the tolerance level of a 4-year-old. He has very little attention span. While home schooling was necessary because of his separation anxiety, it was the worse scenario for learning. He will need to be placed in a class with no more than 8 children. He won’t be able to sit by a window or a door because of his distraction level. He can’t be taught phonics and will only learn by repetition. He’ll never be able to sit in a classroom and listen to the instructor just “talk.” Otherwise, within a minute or two he will get up and go find something more interesting to do.

He can’t be told “go clean your room” because the implications are just too overwhelming. Instead, I will need to say, “Put your books away,” and when that’s done, “Okay, pick up your clothes and put them in the basket.” One thing at a time or it’s just too much and he shuts down.

The anger comes from the frustration of not understanding. When he gets to the point he feels to need to defend himself, the anger and hitting is how he reacts to it.

So, as soon as we receive the written report, I will go to the school principal and begin the process of making sure the needs of my son are met. We’ve got a long road ahead of us.

Yes, hearing the doctor say these things about my morning star put an ache in my heart. But, hearing that he isn’t mentally challenged and is able to learn was the highlight of that hour-long meeting.

He can learn. He will learn.

He can control his anger. He will learn to control his anger.

The light in his eyes will brighten.

The light of my life will brighten.

“Mama loves you whole big bunches.”



~E~




Be sure and look for my stories in the following anthologies:

THE HOLLER – The Fear Within – 3F Publications

THE FEAR – Femmes de la Brume – Double Dragon Publishing

CHICKEN – Scary! Holiday Tales to Make You Scream –
Double Dragon Publishing

FOR THE LOVE OF FRIENDSHIP - Tales From the Gorezone - Apartment 42 Publications


All titles can be found and purchased at www.shocklines.com

www.elizabethpeake.com