Blah-g #203 Oh God What's Wrong With ME?!

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I'm freaking out. There's so much going on inside of me. I feel like I should be curled up in a corner of a padded room with bloody hand prints staining the walls screaming insanely for them to go away.

I knew since I've been young that I wasn't normal. And reading Regina's Song by an author Master likes kinda brought back horrible memories of some of those times.

I'm not claiming that I'm like the Ghost Whisperer or Medium shit. But there are things that just can't be explained and its hard not to talk about it. I know Master thinks that its all in my head but my mom's gone through it too. That helps me keep some what of my sanity.

But I keep dreaming of a little boy named Vincent. He lives in an apartment complex like my Nana's and he takes me to this one particular apartment where an old friend of my mom and sister used to live (her mom and her daughter were friends of my mom and sister) and he's covered in blood and he's asking me to help his sister and I go inside the room and this I don't know how to describe it but a blob-ish looking being seems to assimilate the door and Vincent and I wake up on the verge of tears and I'm scared and paranoid the rest of the day. I haven't slept at all today since waking up at 10 something am today.

I think he's trying to tell me something but I don't know what. And it's driving me crazy. And the Dark Man is returning. I don't know what to do.

I hear him whisper sweet suicidal nothings into my ears.

I can't tell Master because he'll just tell me it was because I read a scary book. But he doesn't understand that what I read or watch has nothing to do with what else happens.

God I want to curl up and cry and just go numb and not have to worry about this shit.

And I know that the Dark Man is waiting for me. I can feel him creeping around.

I'm fucking scared to look outside into the backyard at night because I know he'll be there. He'll be reaching for me. Waiting for me to cross the line. To break my promise.

Oh god I feel so alone and I know it's only gonna get worse when and if Master goes back to PA.

We touched on it earlier today. He said he was gonna try and go to a trade school or take business classes and possibly open a business of his own.

I'm scared that once he's back on the road back to PA the Dark Man will be waiting to embrace me and push me over the edge and.....

I need to keep sane. I need to keep a clear head.

Now playing: Tom Hulce - Heaven's Light /Hellfire

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