I made a pact with myself years ago to not read self-help books – long before Venus and Mars became clichéd metaphors to titillate cocktail party conversations, and long before Pluto, my planet, was banned from the solar system. Self-help books annoy me. It’s not so much the content, it’s the approach of repeating and repeating and repeating the same information over and over and over again using vaguely veiled rephrasing and different verb tenses, etc. etc. etc. I suppose the repetition is a vehicle for reinforcement. I just get confused.

Sooooo, I’m currently reading, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s based on ancient Toltec wisdom. Sidebar: Not being very wise, I first had to research about Toltec wisdom, which you can do on your own time. Anyway, Ruiz’s book came highly recommended by someone I highly esteem – Someone who is currently teaching a course on The Four Agreements at Vanderbilt. This person doesn’t read my blog so I can say everything and anything I want to say, but maybe not. Read on:

Per Ruiz’s definition, an agreement is information one stores and believes in. He makes it very clear that in a lifetime we make zillions of agreements with ourselves, with other people, with our dreams of life, with God, with society, with parents, spouse, and children. The profoundly important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves, most of which are damaging because of all the self-criticism we inflict. The opinions of others are also wrought with damaging agreements. The premise is that every word in our language is what Ruiz calls an agreement. The important Four Agreements Ruiz addresses are:

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best

Well, for goodness sakes. Wish I’d seen this list a long time ago.

The prologue explains why so many of us are in peril. It focuses on the opportunities to change the information that has been passed on to us by our parents, teachers, friends, and priests or ministers, etc. As children, we didn’t have the chance to choose – we pretty much believed everything we were given. Importantly, it’s noted that humans punish themselves endlessly for not being what they believe they should be.

I am, of course, over-simplifying Ruiz’s treatise, and just giving the gist.

Another issue he addresses at the outset is: The human is the only animal on earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake. Ruiz is right, and it’s insidious.

I’ve only completed the intro and the First Agreement, which instructed me to be impeccable with my words – To speak with integrity – Say only what I mean – Avoid using words to speak against myself or about others – To use the power of my words in the direction of truth and love.

Hmmm. I don’t know if I should get out of bed tomorrow.

But Ruiz does state that The First Agreement is the most important one and also the most difficult one to honor. He reallyreallyreally emphasizes that gossip is the bane of our existence. Period.

Sooooo… as I see it, my life is over. No gossip? No self-loathing? No endless self-flagellation? No pity parties? No Victim? No whining? Good God, people, what’s left? What will I do?

Here’s an overview of the other Agreements he addresses:

The Second Agreement: Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

The Third Agreement: Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

The Fourth Agreement: Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

My brain is sore.

Goodnight.