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Location: Work.
Seasonal Indicator: Turning the heat on when I woke up this morning.
Listening: "Cause Cheap Is How I Feel" ~ Cowboy Junkies.

Cowboy Junkies have always been my fall to winter music. I will occasionally listen to them in the warmer months, but the sliding guitars and harmonicas just seem to lend themselves to sweaters and heavy blankets. They remind me of nights spent in the foothills in flannel and leather, smoking on someone else's back porch and then running inside to kneel in front of the fire. I've realized that, for one of the first times I can recall, I'm looking forward to cold weather.

Spent a fairly uneventful weekend following the Friday night discussions of the nature of God, humanity's "purpose", bastardized translations of the Bible, and the importance of trust. Woke Saturday, put laundry in, read half of the first volume of the collected "Cerebus" by Dave Sim (which began as a parody of "Conan" and is therefore hilarious--I know that it becomes much more convoluted farther down the road, though), read some more of Turco's Handbook of Forms, put dishes in to soak, watched Where The Buffalo Roam with Peter, napped, and watched Peter play EverQuest. Saturday night, we watched Happiness--a beautifully put together, well-acted, very black comedy that I couldn't finish. Too many of the elements involved in the intertwined stories of the six or so main characters (misplaced trust, self-delusion, overwhelming fear of inadequacy directed into sexual violence, pedophilia, familial condemnation, predation, etc.) touched on numerous old issues that are best left long-settled--so I walked to 7-11, bought a bottle of wine, and tried to reassure Peter (there are parts of the film that he really enjoys--as I think I might've if the rest of it hadn't blindsided me). Oddly enough, I'm now left wondering what happened to the characters in their various situations, but don't know if the desire to find out is stronger than the desire to just walk away and make sure everything stays intact. We'll see.

Sunday morning, we were up at nine with some old-school DOOM for Peter and more laundry for me. I then set about trying to tidy up the shelves and the computer desk (sorting prints, contact sheets, bills, cards, paperbacks, notebooks, etc.--trying to keep all of it out of the way of stray coffee spills or cigarette ash) and the apartment in general. Peter switched to EverQuest around noon, after we watched a re-run of the MTV Video Music Awards (oh, for the love of God...), I put in yet another load of laundry and got in a quick nap. The rest of the afternoon and evening was EQ and my trying to get up the motivation to write thank-you notes to various people. I failed--and ended up writing a line from Neruda's The Sea And The Bells in watercolor on the living room wall ("Ahi esta el mar?"--"Is the sea there?"). Peter wrapped EQ around nine and we stayed up for a little while talking about our Governor's School experiences, the horrors of high-school poetry, and Peter's work on The Back Page (the satire section of the Kalamazoo College newspaper). We both eventually curled up on the bed and drifted off.

As I said, fairly uneventful--but I caught up on my sleep and managed to get some work done around the house that desperately needed to be at least started. Feeling very much like I'm drifting right now--trying to ride out a wave of mild depression and concern in the face of the coming season. I feel like some form of change is necessary, whether it be physical relocation, a new job, or perhaps simply trying to rearrange the house. Peter has hit a pause in his writing, I've started putting more money aside for contingencies--I can't shake the overwhelming feeling that we're waiting for something.