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Location: Work.
Listening: "Good" ~ Better Than Ezra.

I spent the bulk of my morning on the phone with a former boyfriend, who called completely out of the blue, discussing why our relationship of 2.5 years didn't work out. It was one of those conversations that started innocently enough with an exchange of surprised pleasantries and then proceeded into the dynamics of "catching up"--and somehow ended with him speculating on how things might have been different had circumstances and personalities only been slightly altered. I only partially agreed. Discussion ensued. Considering that I was the one who finally walked away, it was excruciating--especially since he and I have made an effort to remain friends, be open with each other, etc. There was a point at which he said "Everyone I know is currently involved in that late-20's, serious, defining relationship. Which is difficult sometimes, considering that I feel like I've already had mine and it failed.". I tried to discourage him from that viewpoint, but, as you can imagine, the conversation quickly became very cliched ("Plenty more fish in the sea", etc.)--how could it not? I did the best I could, tried to listen and sympathize and support as any friend would, but I still felt like I failed somehow and became trite. I didn't mean to--and that troubled me. We finally hung up with my promising to email him more often and him tormenting me with horrible puns. At least we were laughing.

Unexpectedly difficult morning that gave me quite a bit to think about--which I'm trying not to think about or else I'll slip into a grey mood. It's just not the right time to be contemplating all of the things I could have done to salvage that relationship. I honestly believed then--and do now--that the split was a positive move (although it didn't seem like it at the time) and that we'll both eventually realize this. I already have; I'm just hoping that his realization comes soon. He's one of the few genuinely good people I've ever known, and he deserves to have more happiness than he's getting right now. I'm just not the one who can give it to him.

On a completely different note, I might be getting Steely Dan back. I was talking with Peter last night and mentioned when and where I had found him. Peter hopped on EBay and, in less than a minute, had found a mint condition "Dromedary" from MacDonald's 1995 "Amazing Wildlife" stuffed toy collection (aka Steely Dan). High bid was $2.76, so Peter entered a bid. We're waiting to see what happens. For someone who speaks so highly of the Dark Side, Yaga can be remarkably sweet.