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Patrick Weekes is a writer, martial artist, and acclaimed omelet chef. He eagerly anticipates the fame, fortune, and groupies that he's been told come with starting an online journal.
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2004-03-02 12:28 PM
!Bush leading Democratic primaries in CA
Silicon Valley - In a surprising development, both John Kerry and John Edwards have been upseated in the hotly contested California Democratic primaries by a new and unknown candidate, !Bush.
With 27% of the precincts reporting, the surprising new write-in candidate has been a landslide victor in Silicon Valley, San Francisco, and parts of Southern California. Steven Wright, political analyst, notes that the areas in which !Bush has won have primarily been technically savvy areas. "It's likely that this candidate, who I'm guessing is of African decent, based on the non-alphabetic characters in the name, has a strong connection with computer users. Most likely, he's a political activist in computer privacy matters, with enough business knowledge to address the concerns of Californians who have recently suffered in the dot-com crash. A grass-roots campaign, likely using a blog and flash mob tactics, has obviously gathered support with Democratic computer users in these areas."
While Democrats have launched a relatively friendly campaign this election, saving most of their attacks for incumbent president Bush, they publicly expressed dismay at the divisive tactics of the new write-in candidate.
"While this click-Bush, or however his name is pronounced, has obviously connected with voters in Silicon Valley, as well as in the technical sectors of Sacramento and Southern California, this is clearly too little, too late," said Senator John Kerry. "Dividing the votes now only gives an impression of weakness and will make our ultimate goal, victory over President Bush, that much more difficult."
Senator Edwards concurred. "For someone to garner so many write-in votes in these primaries with such a limited campaign – he wasn't even on my radar – is just amazing, and an impressive accomplishment. But, while he did carry the state of California, Mister exclamation-point-Bush did not show well in the American heartland, the American south, the Eastern states, or, well, anywhere except the technical markets. He is apparently a strong candidate in some technically focused districts in Washington, but really, is this exclamation-point-Bush the man to lead a national challenge? I don't think so."
Potential Democratic candidate !Bush was not located as of press time, and was thus unable to answer questions about his candidacy.
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