This may be a longish entry because it's finally taking care of the last two "e" words, though I'll try to keep it short. Last time anybody invites me to a meme, I'm sure.

Word #9 is "ennui." "Malaise" might also apply, but it doesn't begin with e. I've taken to calling it so-what syndrome.

That's what's been going on for a while and I have been trying to figure out why. It's played hell on the writing. After so long with evil job and brain-draining classes, I have all day to write if I want and I'm having to force myself to do it. I finally got the major rewrite of the story done yesterday and by the time I was done I was all excited about it again. I want to do some tightening and have Gary check it to make sure I'm not too far off the mark, and then get it out. But I've had to fight so-what syndrome every step of the way. Personally I think it has something to do with a mid-life crisis. I'm not where I want to be--not in writing, not in life. I'm not sure I can say anything more than that without a serious case of TMI. But I do recognize the need to just keep plugging. It's hard sometimes, is all.

Word #10 is "end." And no, I'm not going to be flip and just say it's the last word because this is the end of the meme. At a certain point in life (and everybody probably hits that point at different times) you realize you *can't* do it all--some dreams have to end. A real sense of loss accompanies that. Maybe that's the origin of my so-what syndrome. Maybe I need to mourn the loss of some dreams and move on.