So, it's 1:30 in the morning, I'm awake, and I'm now 27.

Why do I feel so completely lost? Other than Pita and the cats, and the home that we share(all of which are wonderful, so I don't think my life is complete shit), my life feels adrift. I'm not in school, I work a shit job for not much more than minimum wage, and I never have any time to do the things I want to. The only activity I really have is gaming once a week, most weeks. I miss so many people, who I never talk to or write (my fault), or see (nobody's fault, just life).

How did I end up here? 10 years ago, I was starting 12th grade, and I was sure I knew where I was going. I was going off to college, to be the best civil rights attorney in history. Boy, things really seemed so straightforward. Now? I'm too chickenshit to apply to colleges, because I'm so afraid that I'll get rejected or fuck up that I won't even try. I know it, but I still can't get myself past it.

The only thing I've done right in terms of direction lately is to finally get off my ass and start getting my resume out. It feels like my job is sapping all of my energy and strength, and I simply have to get out before I go insane.

Anyway, enough venting my spleen. I'm supposed to be happy today, right? Whatever.