Been wondering about personal admissions of failure and/or the admissions of personal failings and how that's affecting my writing and career growth.

I've always been accomodating to those who can see what I lack in personal integrity, but recently, I've been wondering if such a lack is detrimental.

I mean, the writing thing especially. I think I know my weaknesses when it comes to plot and character development, but still, the main weakness is laziness; and two years after publicly admitting it at the Clarion introduction, it's still a problem.

And I wonder about personal failings, too. Within the past year, ex-girlfriends have accused me of the following:

1. Pretentiousness
2. Being a stalker
3. Passing AIDS/STDs
4. With-holding money deserved

All very biting indictments, but all totally false. I've got a good dozen bad character traits, none of which involve the above.

Which makes me wonder: am I self-delusional?

If so, what to do about it?

Nothing as far as I can tell. I will continue to overload editors' desks with surreal pornography, I'll continue to indulge in vodka-tonics (especially when my fellow Clarion-ites publish!), and I'll continue to call an asshole an asshole as the occaision arises.

Tomorrow, I'm going to announce an open-book pop quiz and scare the be-jesus out of the students who haven't purchased their books yet.



ANNIE SPRINKLE