...nothing here is promised, not one day... Lin-Manuel Miranda

Cutesy Wootsy Pootsy Pooh
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Adjust your rant filter, here we go.

Among the things I detest is receiving unsolicited mall, especially of the catalogue type. I've done everything I can to ensure this doesn't happen; I've been listed with the Mail Preference Service of DMA for what like 7 years and I tell every place I buy from that NO they may NOT sell, use, rent, lease etc etc etc. And still they come, oozing under the door, slithering into the mail box. A few yeas ago I gave in and looked and one and bought something and it took something like eight months to get off ALL the new catalogue lists this these buzzards gave me to, or also owned - despite my having said when I made the initial order that they were not to etc etc etc.

But that's not the rant. The rant is that this week's mail brought another unwanted catalogue trying to sell me crap I can't afford and don't want. We won't even discuss the one that came to Stu offering lovely organic crap for insane amounts of money (yeah, he's mostly on the same "do not do this" lists. And we re-upped our listing only a year ago, it's good for 5 years so go figure.)

The catalogue I got sat for 3 days and I was standing at the door this morning looking at it and noticing that it was selling a rather simple dress for $99. Maybe that's a good price; I don't know. I don't buy $99 dresses and haven't been able to think in those terms for so long, I can't remember. Nice dress, mind you, but here's the thing: It's got a "secret power liner" to make the wearer "look one size slimmer instantly". Okay that's not even the thing. The thing that sent me off was the description that the liner "slims waist, tummy, and hips".


I am a 52 year old woman. I do not have a tummy. Puppies have tummies. Elmo the Muppet has a tummy. Keith's twin boys have tummies and probably will for a while, though I'm sure eventually, they'll stop having tummies; the ways of parenthood are arcane to me and I know there are ages where Mommy becomes Mom and words take on different meanings and at some point, I know that children stop having tummies and start having stomachs. Maybe even guts. But the infantilizing of this description made, well, um, it made my tummy very upset and made me wanna puke up. Especially when reading that this amazing "secret power liner" (someone MUST be able to make something of that phrase" works "magically". Magically yet.

Goddam. Makes me want to go out and rip up a truck and eat chrome with my bare teeth. Or something. Grrrr.

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