i used to believe that love conquers everything, in my world hope springs eternal, odd for a life long cynic. i'm a nice juxtaposition of the good and bad, the hopeful and the cynic, the optimist and the pessimist. how do the two reside next to each other in my one (worn out) body? i just don't know. that should make me a complicated person, but in reality, it just makes me a fence straddler, a person who cannot make a decision to save their life.

i used to always say, "as long as there is love, we can conquer anything" i was told, "sometimes love just isn't enough" and ya know what? that's true. sometimes love just isn't enough. not even 100% love. not even that most powerful love that makes you do crazy, out of character things. not EVEN that love.

the ying and the yang cannot survive together. no way. i don't believe it. it's a myth. and i just don't want to buy what that myth is selling anymore. i'd sooner buy swamp land in nebraska.

now please forgive my pity-party. i have way too many of them nowadays, but it is what it is.

the newness, the brightness in my future (the, as i'm fond of saying, aluminum lining) will never erase what was supposed to be.

the one constant in my life (ok, one of two) has slowly dissipated. become something i don't recognize.

as my oldest best friend reminded me (over 20 years together) i don't do well with change. and i don't, dammit.

i feel like i sold my soul...for nothing. i thought i was selling it for love. but what a cruel joke that turned out to be.

sometimes...love just isn't enough (and fuck you, asshole, for being right! you're always fucking right and it pisses me the HELL OFF!)