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Asche


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Aliens

Afternoons with Puppy by Dr. Aubrey Fine and Cynthia J. Eisen

HeavyGlow Flash Fiction Anthology Edited by Stacy Taylor

Blue by J.D. Riso. Also available at lulu

Dogster





i feel the need...

for lala's brand of rejuvenation.

unfortunately, most are unavailable.

there are places you go and things you do, unique to every individual, that just lift your spirits and make you feel better. since, at the moment, i can't go or experience these things, i'll just write them out ('cuse me while i try to force some demons from my head without resorting to my usual crutches/vices)

i don't usually remember my dreams but i've been having a few of late i do remember. sad dreams, bittersweet, depressing, and one in which i actually woke up already in tears. how many people cry in their dreams to awaken and find real tears escaping from their eyes? it's never happened to me before. until the other morning.

i need rejuvenation.

i need a puppy. i miss a puppy. i miss the little warm squiggling body, the cute little furry face, the cold, wet nose, the sleeping on my chest. i have adopted the doggie across the street, annie oakley (because she's from tulsa) and take her steak scraps from time to time. while i get some joy from our visits, she's not mine, and she's not a puppy.

puppies make you feel good, make you giggle, even when they have worms and eat their own poop (netter, you KNOW what i'm talking about...just admit it already)i haven't had a puppy for several years, but at least i had the adult dog which is the next best thing. unconditional love at it's purest and finest.

i need rejuvenation.

i need to be able to take a bath. a long hot bath. not a shower, but an honest to god bath. a tub filled to the brim with the hottest water that one can sink down into, that relaxes every muscle in your body, one where nothing or no one else exists. it's a zen state of being. my own little meditation. only here, it's not an option.

the boy, who never took showers but now is forced to do so, understands what i mean. i joked one day "i swear to god, i want a bath so bad i feel like renting a hotel room just so i can take a freakin' bath" he laughed, because he did know exactly what i meant.

but if i do...i'll rent a room at the beach, by god. i might as well get two joys out of it...and the boy joked back, "then you can get up early and take your pictures"

yes, indeed. i need rejuvenation.

i'd go to the beach...the other day it was all i could do to keep from jumping in the car and just going (after i awoke in tears). unfortunately, gas is $3.50 a gallon here, and the beach is 30 miles away. you can do the math.

still, it's a quick fix and probably by far the cheapest.

except for a good rainshower/thunderstorm...but mother nature is a cruel-ass bitch and that ain't gonna happen anytime soon...

it's been cool here, and i'd sit out back to feel the breezes...but i don't feel like listening to mariachi music or fighting off the drunken mexicans. i got mad at them one night and asked if they'd speak to their mommas the way they spoke to me. it shut them up because each and every one of them knew they wouldn't (mommas are SACRED to mexicans)

i need rejuvenation.

but you know what i would love most of all? to go horseback riding. i've been on the back of a horse since the age of 10 or 11. it was a luxury for me that...

a. i had a friend whose daddy was rich enough to own three horses (only two were brought to town for me and her, hoss and kelley...the clodhopper as i liked to call her, the third, trigger, was a rough riding horse that her dad only rode on trail rides or during the rodeo season and stayed out on the country) and...

b. to live in a town small enough that we could ride through the back streets (and even a few major ones) without problems.

as a teen, i had my own horse, first cimmarron (uh, ever see the movie or read the book "the cowboys?" that's where the name came from...a martinez played the character in the john wayne movie) a lovely paint/saddlebred (oh my how i loved his extra gait) who was stolen so i had to give him back, and then dallas, my black striped back, dark buckskin with zebra-striped legs horse, green-broke as all hell and i loved training him. i gave him up for my first marriage (he was actually sold while i was still asleep). what a waste.

in my twenties, i dated a guy and we'd go horseback riding all the time. i'd go with him and three other guys and they'd ride me through the back woods of jinny lind, arkansas, over fences and across creeks, and they couldn't believe a "girl" could ride so well. he dumped me for my best friend who was more than ten years older than us both (married her and then divorced her within a year)

i haven't been on a horse for about ten years. the iceback was petrified of them. his friends bought two and his buddy purposely put him on the more difficult horse (which "ran away" with him clinging for life and his friend had a good laugh over that...i was pissed because i knew I could handle that horse but wasn't given the chance to prove it)

to be on the back of a horse, wind blowing your hair, the steady rhythm in their strides, the ability to make them turn on a dime...it's the most freeing thing...something indescribable. and i think it must be much like motorcycle riders feel...the wind, the power. only i control a living, breathing thing.

for people to charge me $25 for a thirty minute ride in which i'm only allowed to "walk" a horse down a pre-determined trail...it's just not right, and not full filling to me on any level.

i need to lope, i need to run. i need to be able to take the saddle off, brush him down, and smell the odd mixture of horse sweat, hay and sweet oats.

yes, yes, i love the city...but i do have some country deep down inside.

i need rejuvenation. i do.

and i guess the point i'm trying to make, if i have a point at all, is that it is the most simplest things in life that bring us joy and rejuvenate our souls.

let's not forget that.

the simple things.

;-)









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