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More divorce stuff
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Mostly I've been feeling relieved and excited about the divorce being final. I've had a few moments of sadness, mostly for my ex. But in yesterday's Qi Gong healing exercise, which was an emptying and cleansing exercise, I released a lot of stuff I was only half-aware I'd been holding on to. I had this sensation just welling up in me that I had been holding on to a kind of responsibility, not so much for how he feels (although I spent several years feeling responsible for his feelings), but more like, I don't know, a sense of my need or desire for him to get unstuck, to be okay. And the thing is, he's either going to be stuck or unstuck, to be okay or not okay... and none of it is in my control, and none of it is my responsibility. So in yesterday's exercise, I just released my need for him to be okay, just let it go, as much of it as I could in that moment. I know I was weeping a little with the release. Letting go of my grief, too, and also, just letting go of my marriage with him. Letting go.

And if that's the only thing I come away from this workshop with, it's worth it at twice the price.

I've actually been feeling pretty darn joyful most of the time, and especially in the last couple of days. I just feel like there's so much possibility in the world, for me, for everyone. I feel very open to possibilities. For one thing, there are SO MANY really interesting people to meet! And so many of them are attractive men of suitable age, otherwise known as cute boys! :)


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