So, yesterday was my birthday, and it was really fun. I went out to breakfast with Jed, and then my friend Liz and I got pedicures and went to see John Hiatt perform with the Mississippi Allstars at a free concert in the park in San Jose. Yay for fun birthdays! (And pink toenails.) Oh yeah, plus, I ordered a new Prius! I really needed a good birthday, because the day before was kind of hellish (although it turned out okay in the end).

On the morning of the 13th (first anniversary of the day I left my ex), I went to the Social Security office with my Notice of Entry of Judgment, and I changed my last name back. That was all fine and dandy, except when I went to the DMV to renew my license and do the name change there (my license was expiring on my birthday), they wouldn't do it. The lady was nice as pie, and very sympathetic (she was going through a divorce, too), but apparently the Notice of Entry of Judgment is NOT ENOUGH at the DMV. You have to have the actual Judgment, which states the court's order to change the name. Of course, I was told that it could take up to twelve weeks to get the actual Judgment, so there was a teensy problem with that approach. You also have to change your name at Social Security before you do it at the DMV, because once you file at the DMV, they cross-check your name with SS and if it doesn't match, your license gets denied.

After telling the lady that if I needed to wait for a copy of the Judgment, that meant I might not be able to drive for up to 3 months (ACK!), I asked if they could just give me a temporary license in my old name. But since SS had already changed my name, when the name got cross-checked, it would get rejected. Apparently I became a victim of Homeland Security by getting divorced and wanting my name back. Aargh.

So DMV was totally unable to help me and I left in a complete panic. But I was REALLY good and didn't yell or scream at the lady, who was extremely relieved. She thanked me for being so cool about it and wished me luck. But the thing was, she tried, and she got her manager involved, and she's just a person trying to do her icky bureaucratic job. And she probably gets yelled at a lot over there at the DMV.

I drove to school, totally freaking out, trying not to burst into tears. (Three months of no license! I have to rent a moving truck! I want to buy a new car! They won't let me do those things if I don't have a valid license! Ack!) I called Santa Clara County Family Court, and went through their automated system several times until I finally got a real clerk on the line. I told her my sad story (it was now about 3:00 in the afternoon), and she was fairly helpful. She told me that if I printed and filled out form FL-395 and brought it with my Notice of Entry to the Document Verification Window at the Courthouse, then I could take it to the Court Clerk and they would certify it for an extra $6.60 (costing me a total of $43.90), and it would be a court ordered name change that I could use at the DMV.

So I finally found the form online, somewhere other than where she had directed me, printed it out, and drove like a bat out of hell over to the Courthouse (which closed at 4:00). I had also printed out directions from maps.google.com, but my exit was closed and I had to maneuver my way back to where I needed to be by instinct and terror alone. I filled out the form at the stoplights, managed to find an expensive underground parking garage right near the Courthouse, and made it through security and to the Document Verification Window in the basement (thank goodness the phone clerk had told me it was in the basement!) at 3:43. My documents were verified, I signed the papers, and went over to the Court Clerk's office to pay and have the paper stamped and certified and legalized. I got there about ten minutes to four, and was the next person in line at 4:00 when they closed. Luckily, the guy just ushered the four of us who were waiting into the office and closed the door, so I made it just in time.

Only to be told by the Court Clerk that in order to process my FL-395 (which is basically a court order for name change, based on a dissolution of marriage), I would need my actual Judgment, not the Notice of Entry, and that the phone clerk had been mistaken. AAARRGH!!! So I told her my story, explained very nicely (and pathetically) how if I had the Judgment, I wouldn't be there, I'd be all done at the DMV, and asked if there wasn't anything, anything she could do to help me so I could get my license renewed.

Apparently, the Social Security office erred in issuing me the name change; they should have said no, based on my only having the Notice of Entry and not the actual Judgment in hand. But anyway, this clerk was very nice, too, and said she would go look and see if my Judgment was still in the file there in the office, if it hadn't been sent off to Records or whatever yet. And THANKFULLY, it was. She found my Judgment, used it to prove that my name had been ordered changed by the judge, signed my FL-395, and found someone in the office to certify it for me. Best $43.90 I ever spent.

By then it was about 4:20, so I drove madly off to the DMV (which closes at 5), and got there at 4:45. It wasn't horribly busy, but there were definitely a bunch of people waiting around. But the lady who had helped me before had no one in front of her counter (she was talking to a manager), so I went up to her and as soon as she was free, I told her I was back and did she remember me and did I have to wait in line all over again, or could she help me?

Well, she got all excited and happy that I was back and that I had managed to get the right paperwork, and said, "No way! You're not getting back in line! We're going to fix you up RIGHT NOW!" And she did. Plus, she made sure I got a good picture for my new license.

So, after three hours of adrenaline and terror, my name was changed, officially, in several places and with a multitude of documentation. Plus I got my license renewed, my address changed, and a cute picture.

Moral of the story #1: If you ever get a divorce and you're going to change your name, MAKE SURE you have the actual Court Order or Judgment with you, and go to Social Security first, before the DMV.

Moral of the story #2: Be nice to people, even when you're totally freaking out and upset -- they're way more likely to be nice back and find ways to help you if they can.

Moral of the story #3: It's easier to figure out what you need to do in an upsetting situation if you stay relatively calm, even when it's really hard to do.

Moral of the story #4: When you've had a really rough day, it's good to get a friend to take you out to dinner for your birthday (even if it's not your birthday). Thanks, Jed! And then get a pedicure the next day. And buy yourself a new car. Okay, maybe not buy a new car every time you have a rough day, but definitely do something nice for yourself.

I guess the real moral is: be kind to yourself.