Something inside twitched and bent. It's nearly broken but not quite. I'm trying not to look down, only think "up" thoughts and I might keep from crashing.

But I've been doing okey recently. Somewhat sick, but I can deal with that. So finding myself sliding is a surprise. I'm avoiding the corners of my mind where I find a place to hide, to curl up and wallow in unshed tears.

Yesterday a friend remarked with surprise how abhorrent he found the concept of cutting or hurting myself and seemed just as stunned at the volume of people who do it. I could only think "well, duh."

I don't feel like cutting but I feel like dwelling. Or rather, that's what I'm trying to avoid.

I don't like marytr complexes. Most people who think they are martyrs aren't.
and I... I just want someone...someone to talk to. Someone... Someone who's