I spoke to Laura today. Most of the time that would warrant rejoicing and being happy, but the news she carried was sad and a bit of an eye opener.

Her grandfather has been ill for sometime now, but apparently, the doctors have begun saying that he is going into "organ failure". I remain optimistic for her sake as well as her grandfather's sake, but still I needed to remind her that she should prepare herself for the worst. Especially, if his doctors believe he won't be returning home from the hospital.

After having talked to her I began to realize that my own grandfather's mortality is fleeting. It frightens me. He is all I have left as far as grandparents go. I never met my dad's parents because they died before I was even born. My grandmother on my mom's side died nearly 4 years ago. It was then that I was hit with the horrid realization that we will all one day perish. This isn't to say that I never believed that we would die, but when she died...it had been the first time that someone I knew and was fairly close to had died. It changed me forever.

Now, I worry about my grandfather. I try and spend as much time with him and do as much for him as I can, but I'm almost afraid it isn't enough. I just don't want to be left with the feeling that I didn't do enough for him. My own mother (my problems with her are reserved for another day) tries to make me think that I don't do enough to help him or that I'm too selfish to spend time with him. All of which is a lie! I would do all in my power for him. *sigh* (She complained to me earlier after I told her about Laura's grandfather that I don't spend enough time with my grandfather because I'm always going out and doing this with my boyfriend >_< which pisses me off) I'm just not very happy right now...