So you found my blog, huh? Congratulations, you've taken the first step to betterment.

Chances are you're here for one of two reasons. First, and perhaps most likely, you're already aware of my unsurpassed brilliance. If you're not an idiot, this is the case.

Ok, the other scenario—you're an idiot and you stumbled here by mistake. I use that word sparingly, however—rest assured that you made no mistake.

"Why should I stick around and listen to this guy?" you ask. Well, for one thing, I think it's painfully obvious by now that I'm much smarter than you are. How about this for another reason—I get paid to write. So while you sit around spellchecking your resume (which consists of a GED and having seen every Sylvester Stallone movie), I'm making fat stacks as a reporter—well-known as one of the most lucrative jobs ever.

OK, enough insulting you, the reader. Future postings will consist of a plethora of different writing styles—columns, entertaining exeriences that this auteur comes across in the line of duty, and, uh, other stuff. So come back, you'll enjoy it. I guarantee it.

If not, I don't care. I could buy and sell all of you.