Dear Women of the World,

Yes, I'm a woman. Yes, I'm an adult women. Yes, I'm an adult women that knows all about procreation.

So please, do me a favor. Spare me the gory details of exactly how your recent child came out of your vagina. I don't want to know anything about centimeters, dilation, tearing, craptastic table dances, sunny side up anything, or nipple seepage.

Congratulations on the baby, though.

With love,

Me