No matter what the day brings, deep down I know it really is a good day because I have the man of my dreams, a kitty who loves me, a roof over my head and I live in paradise.

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Memorial Day 2012
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"Fear knocked at the door and faith answered. No one was there." - English Proverb

When I was young, I didn't really realize the importance of this day. To me it was all about my Dad's and my Great Aunt's birthday. It was party time!

But later, during the Vietnam years, I realized the importance of this day. My son's father was in the National Guard then and because of this his unit was in the parade. We couldn't afford dry cleaning, I had the task of creating a uniform starched with creases one could cut butter with.

Back then, I had numerous friends who supported our armed forces and those who went away to Canada because the war went against their beliefs.

I don't know that I still got what the day meant. It was for everyone who had been in the armed services. Most close to me was an uncle on my mother's side who was in the Air Force and I had relatives who had served in World War II and the Korean War.

I understand the necessity of having armed services to protect our great country. However, I feel that the people at the top really need to think deeply about minding other countries' business and putting our people in harms way.

Today this day is extra special because my wonderful husband was in the Navy during the Vietnam War. He was based in WestPac and worked on airplane engines. He was good at what he did and was good with the staff given him. Making sure those planes were as ready and safe as they could be so those inside would return if that was the HP's plan.

I didn't make it to the memorial service at the local cemetery this morning but I thought about our guys and gals defending our right to be free. My heart goes out to all of them with heartfelt thanks.

I am glad I did go to this morning's Al-Anon meeting. We are reading from the book, "From Survival to Recovery: Growing up in an Alcoholic Home." The readings and the sharing really touched my heart because of what I contended with growing up. I am still working on not being seized with fear at the mention of mother. I can today put her in my prayer box for her to have good health and happiness and that she not be a problem in my sister's life.

I have been able to conquer the fear that IT IS okay to ask questions when I'm not sure.

It is okay that I do make mistakes and that I am not perfect. I can remember one emotional breakdown about work and attempted suicide. This put me in the Stanford University Medical Hospital's Psychiatric Department. It was there in that safety I finally was able to acknowledge my fear of work finding out I wasn't perfect. When I could acknowledge that to myself and the staff nurse (working a 5th Step) that the dam broke and I cried for hours. When I was done, I felt like the suitcase of fear was left at the station. It was okay to be imperfect. Since then, I would be the first person to tell you I was not perfect and I was happy about that.

And lastly, all I had to do was ask the Goddess for the willingness to be willing to step outside of my comfort zone and dare to be me. It is so easy and yet so hard to accept those words.

I was also pleasantly surprised when I made the announcement of needing assistance to help me cover the literary table at the convention; three women came up and said, "I'll be glad to be of service with you." Hoo, hoo, I now have a staff!

When I walked uptown this morning, it was all quiet because of the holiday. The sun is out and the wind is blowing. My sinuses are stuffy but once again I am reminded I live in paradise.

To all of you out there who know or are related to someone in the services, you are in my heart.

mz. em

Currently reading:
-- " Cold Fire" - Dean Koontz

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