Well that was a disaster. Within hours I was engulfed in psychotic thoughts, full of fury and self-pity and I don't even want to talk about it. Thanks for your supportive messages - they meant a lot but in the end it's down to me and at the moment I have nothing left to add another stressor to the mix.

I am grateful for: not taking all those pills, though I was sorely tempted; still being here (well, not grateful yet, but probably will be, I suppose); being reminded where not to look for support (clue - close at hand); grandson didn't witness anything to grim as YD took him to hers straight from school for dinner and by the time he got back I'm valiumed to oblivion

Fuck it all and all who sail in her