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I've only gone and uploaded a few photos.

Roadside poppies, planted by the council parks dept:

The back garden, missing out the only bed I've actually planted, but them's the breaks:

Fucking seagull, even more in my face than usual, cos I'm in my car. It's giving me the evil eye, probably while planning to hop onto the roof and shit all over my windscreen, but I drove off double quick and foiled that cunning plan:

Hydrangeas, picked from the overgrown hedge in the front garden - plants I've never liked, though I don't even know why when I look at these colours:

Backs of beach huts, one and two, both done yesterday morning at art group:

So I've been going to two different art groups at two different day centres, one run by a qualified art teacher, the other by a psychiatric nurse. I had felt frustrated at not getting any art teaching but now I have access to some I realise I don't give a shit. I would like to be able to draw people, but not enough to actually learn, which takes effort, concentration and practice. Nah, I'll stick to inanimate objects and doing them quickly. It doesn't grab me like that - so in that sense I'm definitely not an artist. Whereas I am a writer - I get twitchy when I don't write.

OK, bed now. Fucking interview thing tomorrow so I'm going to double up my sleeping pill, before the knot of blind panic I can feel growing inside me reaches a level where I can only explode or implode or spontaneously combust, like Krook in Bleak House.

I am grateful for: Son coming down for the day, spending time together, such a relief and a good reminder that one of my offspring is doing OK, and brilliant to be a mother spending easy time with her son, laughing and talking together non-stop for hours; this time tomorrow I'll have done the fucking interview and will be able to live my life again; my daughter getting such good care, free at the point of delivery - I tend to forget when I moan about our health system being dismantled that the emergency/desperate parts of it still work brilliantly; feeling a bit more supported - saw my Sis today and she was kind rather than sharp; still living near the city and being able to go there and live half of my life there and that becoming OK

Sleep tight, sweet friends. Laters x

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