I came to the realization that it is up to me.

"Bring your stuff home and we will review it. I will help you."

"I will support you"

"I will do everything I can do to help you in your career."

I do not know how many times I have heard these words. I have fallen for them every single time. Yes, he has helped me some. He has helped review paperwork once I have written it. He has formatted forms. But in the day to day, nitty gritty of doing the work, of helping me formatt a plan of action, of true support, nada. (besides making sure I am up, and haranguing me when I am truly sick).

So, what have I learned. IT. IS. UP. TO. ME.

I thought about it on the bus this morning. I am reasonably intelligent. I can plan it out on my own, with my manager, and tough s**t if he gets inconvienced. He has had plenty of chances.

I found out Friday that I did not even make the interview selection for the job at grade 5 level. The manager apologized. It gives me time to grow. And I need it-time to put things back into place.

It is my career, not his. It is my job, not his. It is my life, not his.

I also found out that he doesn't expect to ever retire. When he told me that, I told him that we might as well sell the house in IL. I cannot afford to live there on my own. I told him that when I retire, I pay full cost of health insurance. He stated that he didn't know that. Where has he been? He never read any of the statements-or news articles. UGH!!! Well, at least now I know that my husband is and idiot savant! great at his job, but an idiot at everything else!