Silly Thinking

And now a rare return visitor to “A Few Moments With Dead Celebrities”.
A man we had the honor of having as our guest at Christmas time has asked to come back to share some thoughts with us now.

I give you our savior, the son of God himself, put your hands together for…

JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD!!!!


JC: Yeah. Thank you.
How you all doing?
Never mind, I know.
Look you guys I just wanted to say something about Mad Max’s new movie about me “The Passion of The Christ”. My Dad, what a lot of yelling and screaming.


The Jews did not scream and yell to have me killed. In the Mad Max movie the Jews are kind of powerful and try to tell Romans what to do. Never happened.
The Jews were like “Oh yes sir, what ever you say, let me step over here so you can sit on my face.” They weren’t exactly driving around in big cars and living in the best neighborhood’s back then.



Mad Max seems to think they had power, well they didn’t.

Now, I know Max loves brutality, “Road Warrior” is so cool! I watch that one on DVD whenever I get high with that Zigzag guy.



But, if what you get out of reading My story is “Wouldn’t it be cool to see Jesus in agony for two hours” then you've missed the point.
My suffering is not the key part of the story. I mean who wants to see those spikes go into my hand in close-up? Ugghh. Still hurts, dude. Really.

If your going to take the time to tell my story don’t make me look unhappy and in pain all the time.


I loved being on earth, doing carpentry work (no one ever shows those great tables I made), just walking around the country side, visiting with kids, giving people hope and love. Seeing human faces smile in peace and understanding was so great. It inspired me! And the speaking engagements were fun, and the food.


Man, I still miss the food. Dude, my Mom made this soup with all these lumps of shit in it and then she had this bread. Oh man! To die for bread man.
And I’d start slopping up the soup in the bread and Mom would be like “Now Jesus use a spoon” and I’d be like “Ahh Mom..” and she’d be all like “Now I mean it..”



I loved my Earth Mom and Dad so much. In movies Mom and Dad always look like they’ve been hit in the head with cubit by fours. They always look so reverent, like when I leave Dad just stares and nods.

Bullshit! He was “Where do you think your going? Whose going to make this table?” Mom cried and shit. We all loved each other.
Those were the days. But I had to go and they knew it, they understood all that shit.


How could you get all this racist, violent shit out of my story when my story was all about love?
What do you want? It’s “Mad Max” for me’s sake! Remember that.


Oh, my heavenly father wanted me to talk to you about that Gay Marriage thing. Let those people marry and move on with your life. We don’t care up here. I mean I’m straight but there were nights when I’d look at Peter, soaked in sweat, his muscles glistening in the moon light, and he’d smile, and I’d smile, and… well… we didn’t want to get married but he was hot! And I’m straight and I knew he was hot.
So, let it go people. Nobody cares who marries who. It’s not about who you marry, it’s about who you are.

Christ! You humans can be such a load of shit sometimes.

Thanks again Jesus Christ. Words of wisdom. We’ll be back with another “A Few Moments With Dead Celebrities” tomorrow.

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Jim Farris presents Silly Thinking With Douglas Lain. We love you.