Daisy:

I begged God to let me do it all over again. I literally begged and begged and begged because I'd enjoyed parenting so much.

I can distinctly remember the day I sat on the steps of our staircase and sobbed. After 32 years I was being forced into retirement. David was my last. Though I begged, I knew it was futile.

I knew I'd done well and so had David. So, I had no intention of clipping his wings as he soared into his splendid future.

Daisy, it hurts like crazy and it's crazy confusing and the anticipated emptiness echoes long before it happens and then it happens and it's crazy... but it's okay and you become okay.

I cried nearly every day of David's last year at home.(Exaggeration.)

I drove him to the airport and we talked about minutiae.

Any lessons on life had long ago flown from my lips and heart. We talked about little insignificant things. Little Talk. Weather kind of stuff. It was the type of talk one overhears at funerals. Babble speak. Generic words of comfort that really offer no comfort. I wasn't nervous. It was a new brand of panic. My baby was leaving. Everything that defined me was flying from Southern California to Ithaca, NY.

Seriously!

Could the chasm be greater?

Yes... in my heart.

David and I arrived at John Wayne Airport. Luggage was retrieved from the trunk. We hugged. All that needed to be said had been said over our 18 years together. (When he was an infant I used to peer over his crib and wait for him to awaken. That's how much I cherished him and every moment I could be with him.)

I got back into my car. He walked away. I squared my shoulders. I eased my car from the curb. I started a new life with nary a tear. All my tears had already been shed. I reinvented my life with great unexpected joy. This is what he would've wanted. It's what I needed.

This is a true story.

You'll be fine, Daisy.

Love, Reenie



This was taken while David was about to leave for Cornell