I'm reading a book that I think everyone would enjoy - everyone should read. I'm glad I'm not using a hi-lighter... I would've run out of ink a long time ago because each sentence is significant.

When first diagnosed with IPF, I proactively immersed myself into the pulmonary culture at Vanderbilt. I rented a place close to the medical center and tapped into every resource available. I began pulmonary rehab, but also attended every possible class or related event. Six days each week I kept busy with pulmonary possibilities. One day as I fiddle-faddled at the front desk, I studied a rack with business cards and plucked one out. It was for Colin Armstrong who's a therapist with a specialty in terminal illness.

Without a referral, I made an appointment and he took me on though he generally counsels patients and parents at the adjacent Children's Hospital. Tough job. I saw him once a week for 3 months. One time I laughed and observed that we'd never talked about my illness. Tricky things like that happen when consulting a therapist. I vomited up all the messiness of my life and we cleaned it up together. He was the best medicine. I continue to see him for a tune-up every so often.

The last time I saw Dr. Armstrong I shared a revelation. It was a happy revelation, but I wondered if it was normal... If I should be feeling wistful. I said, "I think I do better blowing kisses from afar."

Now, that might not seem like I said much, but it says a lot about me. Oh, and he loved my observation. What it says about me is that I can love without romantic love. I don't think I'm wired for relationships. I do better with vignette love.

The book he recommended is Love 2.0 by Barbara L. Fredrickson. It's not some babble-crap self-help book. I remember when I read the first few pages of Men are from Mars, Women from Venus. What tripe! I flung it with an orbital swoosh into the trash. First of all, I'm not from Venus. I'm most likely from Pluto and we all know what happened to Pluto.

Much of Fredrickson's book is my truth. Essentially, we all crave love, but the love I crave lies within momentary experiences of connection. Hence, I know I do better blowing kisses from afar... much like my glorious experience with Boris the bus driver I met while traveling cross-country. When I retrieve that delicious memory, I smile and smile and smile. It's all about the momentary connections that nurture and fulfill my need for love.

I write about this today because I follow a blogger I adore. Her name is Nina Camic. Yesterday she posted the following entry, which reaffirmed my new love for love.


A New Week


Though I haven't slammed the door on romantic love, I'm so content with loving the way I love - blowing kisses from afar. It's valid and wonderful and so satisfying. It allows me to experience love many times each day! I know Nina knows what I'm talking about.

So here's blowing kisses to all of you. xxxxx