I feel a *peace* descending because closure of any kind is comforting.

A lengthy and fact-filled conversation with Dr. Marie Budev at Cleveland Clinic was enlightening and disappointing and sad. My children followed it with a conference call with her.

I've been given 0% chance for a donor lung match. It's all too complicated to explain, but that's the final fact.

I won't be chasing after a lung transplant anymore.

I have an uncanny ability to process fast. Accept. Refocus.

It may sound like I've given up. I haven't. I want to continue to live my life as fully as possible. Laugh! Love! Read! I have so many books yet to read. And OMG, I still have a season of Australia's Next Top Model to watch. (I've already blown through America's Next Top Model.)

This is a difficult time for my children. My sorrow reaches far beyond my own needs... and lands with a heavy heart for the sorrow crushing them. They are amazing, though - supportive. This doesn't dismiss elements of sadness, but they know that, for me, relief comes with acceptance.

I've sensed today's news for a long time. I think you all get that. Sometimes we just know, but I never dismissed the hope that I was wrong.

Thanksgiving was packed with thanksgiving. Family and food and laughter and games - always served with a side dish of delightful chaos.

As soon as the laughter left and no longer distracted me, I began to feel my illness ping and pong in my chest.

I am such a lucky woman to have memories of time well spent with my children throughout a lifetime, but especially the past year. I'm so glad I was a gigantic nutter to take that cross-country train trip with my granddaughter, Abby. I'm now thrilled that I've given Mac, my grandson, flight to Europe next summer. Thanksgiving this year was the BEST time I think I've ever had - and with some of the finest people ever ever. Below I've added a random collection of photos.

*****

I might be taking Pirfenidone by the end of this week. It will hopefully give me a generous postscript of time with many more moments to make memories with my family.

I'm ending this post for now. I have more to say another time. But I can't leave without thanking all of you for your prayers and kindness. You all have made a difference and I am so grateful.

Love.




Olivia & Bert





A busy kitchen




Cindy preparing champagne cocktails - yum!





Malcolm working on a jigsaw puzzle





David, Malcolm in the Middle, Bert





The Texan arrived in boots





Olivia & David





Black Friday was Rudolph Red for us






Malcolm completed the puzzle!







Chase at IvyWild




Olivia





Reenie & Stephen






David & Olivia










Stephen & Michelle