The_Edge_of__10162

THIS BLOG IS NOT LONGER ACTIVE. YOU CAN CONTACT THE AUTHOR AT WWW.JOSEPHPAULHAINES.COM.

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Undeserving

Very rarely do I rant about something good. Very rarely do I tell you that every once in a while, the universe decides that it's going to stop its incessant barrage of garbage and show you something truly scintillating; something scintillating.

As I explained to you all, I was accepted into the Masters Class workshop down in Oregon this September/October. It's a rare opportunity for me. Opportunities like this don't come along every day, week or even every five years. All was going well until I spoke with my boss yesterday.

I explained the situation, how important it was to me, and the fact that I'd need to take five unpaid days off to be able to go. She shook her head, frowned, and said, "I don't know, Joseph. That's a biggie. I'm really going to have to think about it."

She might as well have gut-punched me. I wandered around yesterday in a slump. In a funk. Wondering just what god I had pissed off (for those of you who know me, probably ALL of them) to get such a shitty little stop sign to appear on my road to writing happiness. It doesn't look good, friends. I'm pretty sure that she'll say no, though anything is possible. They like me here. I'm good at my job. I take responsibility and have been effective since the first day I walked in the door. But it doesn't look good.

I went home. I told my wife.

(An update. My lovely has Tourette's syndrome. My lovely has a severe panic disorder. My lovely has managed without health insurance for the better part of two years while I found a job that provided said insurance. It was a struggle, but she handled it with class, dignity, and an absolute minimum of nagging me to get my act together and GET INSURANCE! She stuck through it and let me do things my way in my own time.)

We can't afford to be without insurance. You know what she said to me this morning? She told me something that I'd been dying to hear. She told me, "Screw it. If she doesn't give you the vacation, quit and go anyway."

We remembered that she'll have insurance for herself through her disability, but this is a good job where I'm finally getting a decent wage and she is willing to go back to hand to mouth until I can get another just so I can pursue my dream.

Why the universe provided me with such happiness and joy in the form of a best friend I'll never know.

Sometimes you just have to shut up and stop asking questions.

For the record, I don't deserve her.

I don't deserve the half of her.

Joseph Haines, signing off from The Edge of The Abyss.


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