the strange planet inside my head

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Over Forty And Loving It


Meltdown and Serial Killers

Although I knew it was going to hit, I was really expecting it to hit AFTER the wedding. So, imagine my surprise when I woke up earlier this week from crying in my sleep with the inability to stop.

Of course, this freaks me out because when this happens I never know if it's a Big Break or just a Glitch in the Matrix. The jury is still out -- but the time between the wailings is increasing, so I'm taking that as a good sign. There is residual irritability.

And if you're thinking of saying something like, oh, just concentrate on the wedding, and think of all the happy things, STFU. It's obvious you do NOT know ANYTHING about depression, and I don't need to hear it. Clear?

Okay, then. Let's proceed as if.


Last night, I'm minding my own business when there's a knock at the door. Not only is it dark, it's after 11 and I just know it's a serial killer and rapist coming after me. I also know it takes an act of desperation for someone to knock so late. So I answered the door.

It was a very thin, slight man with a dead car in my driveway. He asked if I could jump it, and I said...aalllright. I figured I have at least 100 pounds on him, so if he tried anything, I could take him down. Easy.

We didn't really talk much. I'm not in the mood, and he didn't seem to be in the mood, either. I pulled the car out, we hooked it up, and despite over a half hour of fiddling around, his car just was not cooperating. He asked if I had a phone book so he could call a tow. I said...aaalllright.

My intention was to come in the house, grab the phone book and let him peruse it outside, but he followed me inside. I'm a little nervous, I don't mind saying. Athena was no use at all. She hid under the bed.

I called the GC so if I was attacked, she could call 9-1-1 right away. She knew something was wrong immediately, and started asking 20 questions.

Are you okay?

Not really.

Is there someone in the house?


Is it Jehovah's Witnesses?


Well now I'm nervous.

Call me back in ten minutes.

The guy (I had not asked his name, there was really very little conversation) then said, well, I'll have to wait until the morning because nobody's open yet. Is it okay if I leave the car here?


Thanks for your help.

No problem. Good luck.

He left, but a couple of seconds later he knocked on the door again.

You've been so kind, and I hate to bother you, but can I get a lift home?

What was I gonna say? No? Walk in the 90 degree heat in the middle of the night? Aaalllright.

He grabbed a potty chair and two bags from his car, and off we went. In silence.

Well, I had to say something. So I started a conversation.

He was just back from a deployment in Afghanistan. He has a daughter three years old, and her way of acting out when he left was to quit potty training (hence, the potty chair). I apologized for my standoffishness, and explained a person in my position has to be extra careful, especially around here. Safety first, you know?

I said, as long as you're not going to kill me for the three bucks in my wallet, we're cool. He kinda chuckled but didn't say anything. I said, dude, this is the part where you say you don't want my three dollars and you're not going to kill me. He laughed again. I took that as a positive.

We arrived at his house, and he thanked me again. No problem. He took his stuff out of the back seat, then stopped, took a 20 out of his wallet and tried to give it to me. Please, he said. I didn't realize until you talked about the safety stuff, but you really went above and beyond so please take this.

No way.

He really was insistent, but no way in hell was I taking his money. Just pay it forward, I told him.

So. I wasn't killed, and I wasn't raped, so it's all good.


The GC cracked me up when I called her on the way home, in the dark, with no idea how to get back to my house (I found it. Easy-peasy). She said, I don't know why I even asked if it was Jehovah's Witnesses.

Me either. When have you ever seen a JW after dark? They don't come out after dark because the demon monkeys might eat them. Besides, what makes you think I can't handle JWs? I have a voodoo doll hanging in my window.

Well, it was funny at the time.


Now I have to go run some errands, finish up some work...doo dah, doo dah.

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