I was somewhat wishy washy about this guy, hesitant and unsure, but hopeful. The first offical date was nice but nervous, and I was sick with consumption. This time we met for dinner and ordered almost the exact same thing. We were both much more relaxed, and he drank a margarita as big as my head. He suggested karaoke next. Ok. I don't know what happened. There was just something so endearing about him singing Jim Croce's "Don't Mess Around with Jim" while smoking his Marlboro. He usually tends to lean more in the hard-ass, Dennis Leary Irishman direction, but watching him up there singing, so open and weirdly joyful, I was done for. There was a lovely old gent who sang a lot of Frank Sinatra (there always are at these dives). When he started singing "You Make Me Feel So Young," I just laughed and we had a lovely dance. (Remember, I am 7 years older...) I swear, you could have heard a pop in the air when everything between us just snapped into place. No more hesitation, no more uncertainty, just comfort and ease. Now apparantly I became quite comfortable. He is so sweet and earnest, and I don't want to give too much away, but this part is just too funny to keep to myself. At one point in the date, my shirt was off, and when he saw my...bounty...he said "I feel like I should buy lottery tickets." I just laughed and laughed and told him that was about the strangest thing anyone had ever said to me in an intimate moment. Guys are so weird and wonderful. As I drove home at 4 am, I noticed my kiss swollen lips in the rearview mirror and I thought about the whole night and I just laughed some more.

These little drops of fearlessness have added up over the past year and I've just recently started to reap the rewards. I am learning to find comfort in chaos. I am both the angry preistess with the blade and the virgin at the mouth of the volcano. I am not afraid of anything or anyone.

My horoscope for this week:

ARIES (March 21-April 19):"When the first settlers arrived in the New World, they were terrified of the vast open spaces," says Petere Anastas in the film Polis is This. "They wanted to remake this unkempt place into a big English garden." This is a scenario you should NOT imitate in 2007, Aries. Wander out into the unknown with a cracked grin and a wild heart. Let it work its elemental magic on you. Don't be too eager to turn the frontier into a comfy hang-out.

I like that...a cracked grin and a wild heart.