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My car is going to be in the shop for a few days so I went to the local car rental place to rent a replacement.

I got the cheapest model they had, a little nondescript 2-door. I stopped at the supermarket to pick up the half gallon of nonfat milk my husband has been going on about.

But when I came out of the store I had absolutely no idea what kind or color car I was driving.

"Oh, shit." I looked at my key and it said 'Ford'... Now I don't know what share of the car market Ford has, but it's big. And I know they make a small car called a Focus. "Oh, shit."

I saw a small blue Focus, so I looked over my shoulder to make sure nobody was looking, walked up and stuck the key in the door. Nope. I saw another small Focus, this one gray. Trying to look nonchalant, I tried the key again. Nope. I even tried the door of a Windstar. Not.

"Help!" a woman shouted. "That man is stealing my car!"

She was about 5'2", eighty some-years-old with one of those sculptured glued-on blue hairdos.

"No, no, no," I said. "I thought this was mine, ma'am."

"Help! Fire! Police!"

I took a step toward her to show her the key I still kept clutched in my fist. (I am 5'2" as well).

"Eeek! Help! Help! Police!" she said hobbling away.

Half the parking lot ran to her rescue. After a couple of minutes of explaining, all the nice people were helping the idiot find her car.

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