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I may be forced to retire, whether I'm ready or not, whether it's financially opportune or not (I was aiming for 2012).

Husband is much worse now, Stage IV, and scared. He really needs round the clock care.

He fears most of all losing control. He always has been a control freak, and in denial of the fact that we do not control our aging and the events that befall us. All we can do is to acknowledge their existence and cope with them, the best we can.

He has always been the center of the universe and in control of everyone and everything, omniscient as well. He is not aging gracefully and yesterday when we talked about the future of Parkinson's, it came as a terrible "surprise."

His doctors have described the stages of PD to him before, but he always had a "talk to the hand" attitude. Yesterday he truly heard and acknowledged.

And is terrified. It just breaks my heart to see him this way.

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