Yesterday was unbelievable.

I thought the day would be slow with everyone being out of school, the weather gorgeous and there being a little lull in the community epdemic of flu. But No. It was as if everyone who ever had a stupid question about their child saved it up for MLK day and came to see me. Of course, interspersed with that were a few really sick kids and a few kids who are falling apart in school as they continue to try and cope with no home, slow construction, a school that is now in trailers etc etc.

Now, before everyone goes off on me about how there are no stupid questions, part of my job is to educate parents, I am in a service profession, parents worry about everything and I should know that by now and on and on and on.....I. Know.

But, it is all about expectations. I expected an easy day. I expected to only see the kids that were so sick that no parent in their right mind would let them go outside, play and enjoy the beautiful day off of school. I expected parents to want to sleep in, relax and enjoy a down day. And I was wrong.

I love teaching parents about their kids and kids about their bodies. I just didn't want to do that yesterday. I wanted to see the sick kids, finish early and go home to relax with my own children who were out of all three schools.

So in the interest of next years MLK holiday, here are some of the typical questions I got today. Next time these things happen with your kids, read this, relax, sleep in and enjoy the holiday with your lovely children.

Typical questions:

Suzy has a bump on the back of her head. It doesn't hurt, she has no fever. It feels soft and moves under your fingers. She had a cat scan of her brain 3 years ago, should the radiologist look at the scan again? NO. The bump is/was a small lymph node. Nothing to worry about. (FYI, the body has lymph nodes everywhere. They swell to keep us from dying of infection when the barber accidently nicks the scalp during a haircut, the cat scratches us on th arm, we fall down and scrape a knee, or the ears have gotten infected. Those lymph nodes are just like an aquarium's filter.)

Johnny has a ringworm on his face and we put medicine on it for 2 days and it isn't gone. What now? Keep putting the medicine on. It takes 3-6 weeks for those nasty ringworm rashes to go away. Keep putting the medicine on until the rash is gone for an entire week and here is your note so that the stupid school doesn't try to keep him out for 6 weeks.

Mary got poked with a lead pencil 3 years ago and the lead is still in the back of her leg. Should she go to the surgeon to get it out? No. It isn't lead, it is graphite. It won't cause lead poisoning. If after 2 weeks it hasn't gotten red or gooky looking, ignore it. Do what I do with the graphite spot in my son's leg and tell people it is a blue nevus. (Which is the $0.50 word for a blue mole)



And finally, if you have brought your child to the pediatrician because she is breathing fast and wheezing and it is during RSV or Flu season, please watch your child. Do not allow her to repeatedly run out of the exam room to the waiting room. When the nurse tells you that she really needs to stay in the room, it is because she may have something that would make the 10 day old baby in the waiting room really, really sick. Don't put your child up on the exam table and then just talk on your cell phone as she teeters on the edge. If you are going to fall asleep while in the exam room, move your chair to block the door so that your child can't run back to the waiting room and cough on the other babies. When we give her a breathing treatment, hold her in your lap, sing to her and Keep. The. Mask. On. Her. Face. Especially when we have nicely suggested that to you FIVE times. And please, please, please, don't go out to the parking lot to smoke a cigarette when the father shows up at the appointment. Those cigarettes are part of the reason your child is so sick today. Don't roll your eyes at me when I tell you that. Because at the end of the day, I just want your child to get better and I would like to believe that is your wish also.

Rant over.