I got this email from my mother regarding my baby sister:

"I don't know if you have heard about Tricia's mishap.
She went out with her girlfriend Jamie Crum and they
were out through the night. She called Sunday evening
to say that they were out on a boat and not to worry
she was fine. When they docked the boat, the fellow
who did the mooring didn't do a very good job. All the
other passengers managed to disembark safely. When it
was Tricia's turn the boat started going out into the
river. She had one foot on the dock, the other on the
boat, essentially doing a split as the boat went
farther out. The inevitiable did happen and she fell
into the water, landing face first on the rocks at the
bottom. Her chin is scraped up and her two front teeth
have had the bottoms knocked off. She is upset but has
an appointment with her dentist tomorrow to have them
capped or bonded or something so they don't hurt and
look ok. Also, the inside of her lip is hamburger.
They idiots she was out with stood and laughed at her.
Not a single one of them has called today to find out
how she is. She has some other bruises besides---but
the grossest thing about the whole experience is
drinking the water in the Kanawha River! She sort of
had revenge, though, she said she remembered today
that only her car had been parked close to where they
docked so she left them stranded when she flew mad,
started crying, and drove off. She picked up her car
loan today so I guess she's buying a Jeep!"


Oddly enough, it was a Jeep liberty that caused her car to be out of commission in the first place. Tricia had gone for a jog, and was about 15 feet away from the driveway when this kid in his jeep liberty ran off the road, over an embankment into my parent's side yard, up the hill to the parking spaces, and into Trishy's parked car, knocking it into the flower beds. He damaged a tree and did a couple of thousand dollars worth of damage to the yard, and totalled Tricia's car.

Then the f--ckwit tried to drive off. He did not want to roll down his window even to talk to Tricia when she went to see whether or not he was alright. It wasn't as if he could have gotten far-- he had left pieces of his liberty all over the yard, including wheels. Tricia called the police, and the policewoman, stupid as she was, asked Trishy if she had even looked before pulling out. So Patricia reiterated what had happened-- that she had been ON FOOT, and the car had been parked. Then the policewoman asked her Trish if her warranty would cover the damage. It seems that the kid and his dad had refused to clean up the debris in the yard, so my parents are suing for the damage-- which they might have overlooked had either the kid or his dad taken any responsibility at all. The kid's insurance company was so vicious, inept and inscrupulous that I got my first opportunity to be a bulldog with an insurance company. Not as a lawyer, mind you, because I cannot practice in West Virginia, and that is where I was, and on behalf of a West Virginian, regarding an accident that happened in WV. So I was very explicit when I called the insco-- mentioning nothing about law, just that I was calling on behalf of Patricia and gave them down the road. She received a call from the adjuster about 5 minutes after I made this call.

For those of you who still think that I am too nice to be a lawyer, or that I'm a pushover, you are wrong. I have witnesses to this phone call. I can get my way when I want to, and I can be a force with which to be reckoned. Most of the time I just choose to be a doormat.
The meek shall inherit the earth. So quit with the pollution already! I oughtta bring an injunction to prevent the waste of my inheritance. I'll start with the Kanawha River. (What Tricia fell into.) As I stated to my mom, Tricia should get a tetanus shot, since the skin was broken, and she's overdue for one anyway. Lastly, that River once burned, so that tells you just how disgusting it is. I try never to come in contact with that river or the Elk River. Blech!

Anyway, I think that the bastard who poorly moored the boat ought to pay for her teeth, and that any medical attention that her chin requires ought to come out of his pocket. And I hope he loses his d-mned boat.

So to those of you who know only me, the tendency to have everything go wrong and to have all kinds of weirdness and accidents happen to and around me is a family trait. If it weren't for bad luck, we'd have no luck at all.

--Hooper