You know how parents will always tell you "you'll always be mummy/ daddy's little girl" or variations of statements that deny your transition into adulthood?

Well my parents don't just say it. They believe it.

I'm frustrated.
And so not looking forward to dinner. There'll be this big hooha about post-prom and me consuming alcohol. Because they don't know I've done it before.

And the staying out late part also ticks them off too.

I don't know why I can't admit that I've drunk alcohol in public. I mean... I arrived home in one piece. And I've never (yes, literally never) gotten roaring drunk in public.

Maybe it's got something to do with me being the oldest and having to set this moral example. But not really. I think it would just shock the shit out of my parents and bye bye post prom.

Or worse. They'll make me go and breathe down my neck every step of the way, sit at the table, creep the rest of a11 out and ruin any remnant of social life I have.

I feel baby-ed. Urrrrrg. And quite frustrated, did I mention?

And all these little omissions add up you know. Not knowing I had a boyfriend. Not knowing I drank in public. Not knowing the kind of literature I read. Not knowing how I do in school. (My father was sincerely confounded the other day when nus mailed me to invite me to sign up for usp- which I probably will try for. I think his exact words were "What they ask you for?"... I could not think of a mild way to phrase "Because I do well in school.")Not even knowing what I study in school. (My father constantly asks me if ki papers asked me about the financial crisis...) Not knowing what I want to be for the rest of my life. Not knowing the things I feel quite passionate about. (Because everytime I voice an opinion, political, socio-economic issues, that contradicts their's, it gets drowned in the voice of "experience and wisdom" which I cannot fight because age is not on my side).

Well it's come down to the sad sitaution of them not knowing who I am. At all. Which ties in with their bewilderment over uni course choices (Why ppe, its useless right?), scholarship choices and my subsequent frustration over the struggle I have to face.

I've decided to start a notebook. Because everytime I have moments like these I mentally think "When I become a parent, I'll never.... just like my parents did to me" (Incidentally, this is quite common no?)

So yes. When I finally become a parent, I'd have something to look back at and sort of... revise on what being on the other side of the relationship feels like.

Good things about today: Waffles with strawberries, fresh cream and maple syrup, the Botanic Gardens in the morning, 4 hour nap... oh the wonders of too-much-time.