Weather: rainy

Reading: Artemis Fowl, the Artic Incident

I just read this and thought I'd post it here to bug any would-be Scots as moot be aroond.

In this comic monologue from 1982, the owner of a toy shop in Ballater, near Aberdeen telephones the Princess of Wales to ask what her son would like for Christmas.

Noo, fit wid he like for his Christmas, the loon? Fit aboot a pair o' fitba beets? Beets. Beets. B-O-O-T-S, beets. Weel, I ken that, but he'll surely grow intae them. Weel I'll tell ye fit I've got. It's something very suitable. It's oor ain special line in soft toys, and it is a cuddly futret. A futret. Div ye nae ken fit a futret is? Futret. F-E-R-R-E-T, futret. Now, cuddly futrets is exclusive tae the Toy Shop, Ballater. We get them specially made up by a wee wifie, in Hong Kong. Oh, an' fit a job I hid explainin' tae her fit a futret is. Ye wid like a futret? Oh we'll fairly manage ye a futret. Noo fit size o' a futret wid ye like? We've got a dinkie futret, a mini futret, a life-size futret, a jumbo futret or a mega-futret. Ye'd like a jumbo futret? No, it disnae hae a trunk. No, it's got a string that ye pull, an' it sings Run, Rabbit, Run. Weel, fit else div ye expect a futret tae sing? Now is there onythin' else the loon wid like? Fit aboot a rubber duke...for his bath? A duke. No, no, nae that kinda Duke. D-U-C-K, duke. A quack quack duke. Like Donald Duke. Donald Duke. He's a freen' o' Mickey Moose...Moose...M-O-U-S-E, Moose! God, div ye nae understan' English, lassie?